Bad Days

I've had all the tests.
They say I'm fine.

I am not fine.

My gut had holes
--has holes?

Food once familiar, now foreign
My body attacks
any traces that enter it.

A list of enemies
The full extent of which I am still learning
The list seems to keep growing

Please stop growing

Misread labels,
risky restaurants,
unknown triggers

Sometimes "may contain" is safe
Sometimes it's not

It wraps me up in ache
screws with my body
and messes with my mind

Coming to terms with something
that is chronic--
even if not permanent

(Dear God, please not permanent.)

I'm trying to repair the damage
Trying to convince my body
and mind
that food is not the enemy.

And so, in all this, I
sometimes
have bad days.

A coil of pain wraps itself around my chest
Slowly, repeatedly,
Until everything hurts, and it's hard to breath

And as long as I don't move--

A smoothie for supper.
Ginger for the nausea.
Hot water bottle,
comfy PJs.

I crawl into bed,
wait for it all to pass

wait for sleep.

Digital Evils

I've often said that I don't think I'd be nearly as good a photographer as I am, were I working only in film. Either that or I would be just as good, but completely broke with how frequently I would be developing. The immediate play-back of images on my LCD screen after I've taken them has probably played the greatest role in getting beautiful images.

You would think that, since I look through the viewfinder, I can see exactly what I'm about to get, so what's the difference? But this is only partially true. Sometimes I'm concentrating so hard on where I'm placing the subject that I forget to run my eye around the rest of the image before snapping. Sometimes I am not holding the camera as steady as I should be, and the image is composed properly, but is entirely blurry. Sometimes my camera is numerically set to all the "right" values, but artistically, the image just doesn't work.* Especially when traveling far from home, it is great to see any of these errors in the moment, while I am still there to take another shot.

Still, I have found that there are two instances where I am pretty much powerless to tweak the image in anything but post-processing software. I almost want to create a sub-category of images called VSOTC, as in, Virtually Straight Off The Camera. I'll show you what I mean.

Look at this image.

There is a small, unnatural spot in each of the red circles, the left more obvious than the right. Often, these spots are not immediately obvious, and they're not always invasive, but trust me, once you see them, you can't unsee them. It's dust on my sensor. I know what you're thinking, "well, just clean the sensor then, Gina." Oh, believe me, I do. I am good friends with canned air.** I also have a sensor-cleaning kit for extra-stubborn dust. I've even had the camera cleaned professionally once. But I've learned over time that keeping the sensor clean is kind of like raking the lawn. You can get every single leaf, but eventually, another one is going to fall. ...You can get every speck of dust, but change the lens again, and eventually more is going to sneak in there. Sensor spots are the bane of my photographic existence.

Second thing. And this is one of the major reasons why I am not a photo purist, and am okay performing minor touch-ups in Photoshop.

Because this:

is just that much more visually appealing than this:

...I would love to know how much money Adobe makes off of people who buy Photoshop just to be able to get rid of cell phone towers.

Often times, people will look at a photo of mine, and ask if I Photoshop my images. I hate this question. Partly because I'm a horrible liar. My brain screams, "of course it's Photoshopped! Half my images are Photoshopped!" but what is harder to explain to the viewer is that by "Photoshopped," I mean I've altered maybe 1000 pixels out of the 10 million that make up the image. I prefer to think of it less as "Photoshopping", and more as "taking artistic license" to clean up a little bit of digital mess.

I am not a digital artist. I like to keep my images as true-to-the-moment as possible. Which is why any image I can get SOTC is that much more satisfying.

It's like raking up that last leaf.





* i.e. Correct exposure vs creatively correct exposure.
** If you are canned-air-phobic, settle down. I know what I'm doing.

Put a Sock [Monkey] in it OR SOTC 37/365

I did one of my best portrait shoots last weekend. There is an internal tension that exists when I shoot portraiture. I enjoy creating portraits--especially candids--but it's tricky business. I'm rarely as satisfied after a portrait shoot as I am after other shoots.

One has to move fairly swiftly in portraiture (especially with young children). There is not a lot of time to tweak shutter speeds, F-stops, and white balance settings in the moment. I can compose shots in nature for several hours; the attention span of models is not nearly as lengthy.

And I rarely get a perfect portrait SOTC.

There may be less-than-adequate lighting, so I must brighten things up a little. Even compensating in-camera by bumping up the ISO means I end up applying noise reduction afterwards.

More often than not, my angle is tilted by 1/2 a degree (I think I come by this flaw naturally--I've seen my dad's photos), which means I'm straightening and cropping.

And my most salient issue--white balance. I don't have time to set a custom white balance every 5-10 minutes as I shoot around my location (or maybe it's just amateurs that say that). So I set my white balance to automatic, and just shoot. Of course, the camera doesn't always get it right. Surrounded by plants, my models are often rendered a touch green. Indoors, the warm glow of light bulbs almost gives my models jaundice. SIGH. Back to Photoshop I go.

But with each photo shoot, I learn.

This weekend, I took some family photos for a good friend and her two daughters. I have taken their photos yearly for the last three years or so, and was quite satisfied with how this latest set turned out.

For the first time, I shot on location at City Hall. The architecture allowed for some lovely compositions. The plethora of windows allowed for nice, even lighting (though it could have been a touch brighter in some areas). And the all-grown-up models meant that I didn't feel like I had to move quite as quickly. I was even able to get a little creative, and they assisted in the set-up!

Did I still have to post-process? Yes. Admittedly, every single photo. That being said, that includes the bulk where the only post-processing required was a little bit of noise reduction to get rid of mild graininess OR a small tweak to white balance. I did not have to brighten so many shadows! I did not have to sharpen someone's features! I did not have to disappear some dude in the background that I didn't see ahead of time. And I think--for the first time in a long time--I did not have to swap out someone's head from another picture because they weren't looking at the camera!

It's great to know when I am building up skill in Photoshop.
But it's even better to know I'm building up skill in-camera.

So What Next?

I have thoroughly enjoyed the last year of putting together my 365 project. Over the course of the year, I have also taken time to peruse the projects of others--to see what challenge they've set for themselves, and the creativity that has come out of that.

Even before my project had ended, I was already thinking of 'what next?' Will I do another project? What will be the theme/challenge/goal? The answer to the first question was an unequivocal YES! I enjoy the way my first project stretched my photography skills just that extra bit. And despite the occasional days where the last thing I wanted to do was set up a shot, I had a ton of fun creating so many different portraits.

So, what to shoot, what to shoot... In thinking about the next project, I wanted to make sure I would still be challenging and honing my photographic skills. I wanted it to be qualitatively different than the first project. And I still wanted to make sure it would be fun.

Two ideas came to mind.

1. Shoot in film.
2. No digital post-processing.

I REALLY like the first idea. I occasionally play with film, but not nearly enough. It would really test my skills as a photographer, because the instant feedback of the LCD display would not be there. I really would have to get it right the first time.

That being said, the practicality and price point of shooting film all year would be insane. The cost of film and printing the photos would probably be about $150-200, if I only took one shot per day. Not so bad over the course of a year, I guess, but the digital is absolutely free. I feel the real hassle actually comes in the publishing. While you can get your film images scanned and burned onto a CD when you get them printed, that costs even more, so of course, I would opt to scan and upload each of these photos myself. Which means I'd have to scan and upload chunks of 24-27 pictures at a time. ...Well, I guess I wouldn't have to scan the whole roll's worth at once; still, I would never be posting current material. I just have the sense--based on how I managed to upload my content with the last project--that I would take photos for a year, but spend the next six months after that finishing up the scanning. That doesn't sound fun. Perhaps as a Project 52 idea down the road....

So, then idea #2 came to mind. I could still take digital images as if I were shooting film. That is, I would not post-process my photos in any way, with any software. There are people already challenging themselves this way on Flickr and other photography sites. The "technique" is being called Straight off the Camera (or Straight Out of the Camera); SOTC (or SOOC) for short.

Yes, but, you could still alter it in Photoshop and just say it's SOTC.

Well, first of all, I don't work like that. I value honesty and integrity. Second, technology has advanced far enough to hold me accountable. For those unfamiliar with the ways of digital media, digital photographs have something called EXIF data. This data includes the time stamp, info on the lens used, shutter speed, ISO, etc. But EXIF data will also tell you if the photo has been post-processed with any sort of software.

Compared to many digital artists, I don't use Photoshop a whole heck of a lot. Generally, if I'm editing an image, I'm doing fairly simple things like brightening it up a little, boosting the saturation, straightening out a horizon, lightening up dark shadows. Not generally altering the composition significantly. Still, these are all things that--with a little more attention or patience--I could do in-camera.

So. I have a challenge.
A photo a day for an entire year.
Any subject.
I must take the photograph.
No post-processing allowed.

Straight off the camera.

Starts September 1.

A Project Complete OR 365/365

Wow! A whole year has come and gone; my 365 photography project is complete! The original goal of this project was simply to give myself a reasonable challenge doing something I enjoy; and enhance my overall skills as a result. Of course, I have learned so much more than what I originally set out to achieve—and I don’t just mean in photography skills. I have learned new technical skills, for sure, but I've also learned a lot about how I feel towards certain processes in photography. And I have also learned quite a bit about myself.

For example, I quickly learned that I do NOT like taking my photo in the first hour between when I wake up and when I leave the house in the morning. I’m just NOT a morning person, and it shows. There were a couple exceptions to this—they usually involved pictures of me in bed, and thus my eyes were closed or I had slept in and didn’t look like I’d just been jarred into consciousness for the day.

I also learned that the iPhone begets laziness! I only acquired my iPhone in April--I was already 244 days into the project. That being said, the ratio of mobile phone images to camera images is much higher in the days after acquiring my iPhone than in the 244 days preceding it. In many instances, the iPhone takes fairly good photos. Pair that with not wanting to pack a camera around some days, or the ease of file transfer via iCloud, and you've got a simple way out of having to set up a dSLR shot. Oh, technology!

In 365 days, I only missed taking my picture three times (oops, oops, and huh?). Nevertheless, between a leap year bonus day, and a perfect summer Saturday where I posted two extra pictures, I’ve still ended up with the original goal of 365. I have to tell you, though, some days, this project was really quite challenging! It is easy to take photos of special events, or regular events in special places. But slogging through the fall and winter often left me sighing in apathy or exasperation at the end of the day, wondering what on earth was exciting enough to warrant a photograph.

75% of my photos were self-taken (i.e. I hand-held the camera myself, or put it onto a tripod and used a timer/remote). And I have to tell ya, it takes a lot of UN-natural to get natural-looking poses. I took anywhere from 2-20 shots each day. Occasionally even more. Sometimes, it was just because I needed to position myself slightly differently in front of the camera. I often tweaked my original vision. Occasionally, I changed my vision entirely. (On the plus side, I found myself Photoshopping less.) Only very occasionally did I get the shot in just one take.

Thankfully, 22% of my photos were taken by friends and acquaintances, which provided some images that were a little more true-to-the-moment. My friends are so gracious. I cannot even count the number of times I would get together with friends for the evening, and announce, “at some point, I need someone to take my picture.” Only one or two of my friends were comfortable enough with my camera to 'fire at will', so to speak. Often times, if I was handing my camera to a friend, I got the sense that they wanted to take two or three shots, and give the scary black box back to me as quickly as possible. I learned over time that people were more willing to take the picture when they could use cameras they were familiar and comfortable with (I know, it seems obvious, doesn't it).

And yes, several photos were taken by complete strangers. They generally didn’t turn out to be the greatest composition, but hey, they’re authentic!

Most (93%) of my photos were taken using my own cameras. This included my dSLR, my compact digital camera, my Polaroid, my mobile phone cameras, and Macbook webcam. Oh, and my scanner. The remaining 7% were obviously taken using other people’s cameras—the office camera or those of friends. …Or the studio at Victoria's Secret.

71% of my photos were taken indoors, and 28% outdoors. This is about in line with the percentage of the year we spend in winter vs. summer. Hmm…

Only a mere 15% of my photos purposely included other people. I really am an introvert.

These stats are interesting.

And yet, despite taking 365 different photos, I sill notice patterns throughout, clearly indicative of my particular ‘style’ (whatever that is). For example, I really like to focus right in on my main subject, using a shallow depth-of-field to blur out the rest of the image. I love that effect. Also, if only a part of me was in the photo, it tended to be my hands more often than any other part. Finally, I really just don’t care to get overly artistic with my photos. I had fun with a few different camera techniques or Photoshop tricks, but outside of those, I really just like to capture life as it is. I always knew this--that I tend to keep my photography pretty realistic--but I think I’ve come to know it even more through this project. For example, I tried to put together one very conceptual shot, and I have to admit, I don’t really like it. I’m just not that right-brained enough to do a good job of it. Which I’ve come to accept is okay—I don’t need to be that photographer. There are plenty of those individuals out there already. I need to be me, and take the photos my brain was designed to take.

I have had a lot of fun with this project--even on those dreary winter days! Aside from being yet another way to visually chronicle daily events over time, it has made for great conversation, worthwhile skill enhancement, and inspiration for future photography projects (oh yes, there will be more!).

A hearty thanks to those who participated in and supported my project by taking pictures, being in pictures, or simply by following along on the blog. It has made the whole process that much more fun and memorable.

Harvest to Harvest; done and done!

240/365

In a word: amazing.

199/365

Coffee and Photoshop. I think I would like early mornings more if they all started like this. :)

196/365

'Kay, that was kind of fun :)

1/2 OR 183/365

Six months.
183 days.

However you look at it, I am half way there!*

* Admittedly, as I'm posting this, it feels like less of a "half way!" and more of a "ONLY half way?"

Create for 2012 AND 154/365

So, if spontaneity was my guiding word (not to ever be confused with my Guiding Word) for 2011, what have I chosen for 2012? Again, I didn't have to think hard, but it isn't a word I necessarily chose as intentionally as last year--this one more just sorta came to me.

Cre·ate (kr-t): (v) to cause to exist; to bring into being. To produce through artistic or imaginative effort.

This one has somewhat of a broader scope to it. While I think it will definitely focus around my photography, I do not want to limit it to just that. I want to take advantage of opportunities to create in any activity.

• To create relationships--with people at work, with people in my community, short-term or long.
• God calls us to be in relationship with others. I have purposely paid attention to this calling for a few years now, and continue to seek growth in the way I connect and interact with others.
• To create my own -- my own space, my own food, my own comfort.
• I am moving swiftly through Year Two in my house. I filled rooms with my colours, the garden with my vegetables, and the whole house with my essence. I look forward to taking the best parts of last year and continue to create in my home.
• To create for the eye -- ah, the photography.
• I am very excited about finally purchasing a Macbook Pro. It should arrive in the mail sometime next week. In short turn, I will load Photoshop and Aperture onto its hard drive to work in conjunction with the great graphics hardware that the laptop will have on its own. After recently looking back on some older photographs, I was surprised to see just how much skill I really have gained since expanding my photography beyond just snapshots. Both in pure images, and in my ability to artistically and/or aesthetically enhance images. I can't even start to imagine the new things I will learn how to do with my images through new programs (and continued practice in the field, of course).

Because the word "create" implies something that currently does not exist, there may very well be other areas in which I create--for myself, or for others. As with every new year--every new day--2012 is an unknown. I feel like the words 'create' and 'discover' may end up going hand-in-hand.

53/365

"We're adults.

When did that happen? And how do we 

make it stop?"

Sometimes Photoshop is Just Fun OR 43/365

A picture of me, editing a picture of me, editing a picture of me...*

* I've been spending a good chunk of time post-processing a recent photo shoot; my brain needed a brief diversion from the standard crop-and-rotate.

10/365

First day back to work today. Lookin' good.*

* I think I've discovered that I don't particularly like taking my picture at 7:45 a.m. Aside from trying to set up a tri-pod in a small bathroom and work a photo composition before my morning coffee, there's the issue of top-down lighting on sleepy eyes... let's just say that what happens in Photoshop, stays in Photoshop.

Toying With Your Head

Taking some of his inspiration, I'm sure, from Escher, you will do a double take at some of these amazing images. .......I thought I was pretty decent with Photoshop until I looked at these.

http://www.alltelleringet.com

Spring Break Day 5

Half way through Spring Break. Not "only half way" or "half way already"... just half way. The week is not moving overly quickly or boringly slowly. It's kind of been perfect. I really love the pace of down time. I am still engaged in activities, as is my nature, but there's no... strict agenda. No rush. I set out my day on my terms. As a result, I am moving through the week on an entirely different perspective. And it's been quite the week!

...I cannot believe how much money I've spent this week. And not on just frivolous stuff! It just seems I'm tackling a bunch of grown-up errands at once while I have more free time. This week, I have done groceries, purchased concert tickets, renewed my license plate, purchased several gifts for upcoming birthdays and occasions... and tomorrow my car gets its oil changed. And I have photos to pick up some time in the next couple days.

I've learned that I actually like doing groceries better in the evenings or early mornings (the former happens way more often than the latter) than in the afternoons. Apparently, afternoons is when many +65-ers hit the grocery store. It's slow. And congested.

I took the train to respite the other day instead of driving. I intend to do the same on Friday and Monday. It actually takes 10-15 minutes longer to get to N&S's place using transit, but some days it's just so nice to leave the car at home, and let something else move me from Point A to B while I listen to my iPod and read.

I have just started reading Memoirs of a Geisha, and although I am only four chapters in, I am thoroughly enjoying it. The writing is fantastic. It has been so long since I have read a really, really well-written book. I have read several books that are "good", even "quite good", but it has been well over a year since I have found anything that hits the level of "fantastic."

I am hoping to take my bike out for its first spring ride in the next couple days. Maybe in conjunction with train travel to N&S's. The days are definitely warmer, but the last couple have been so windy! I really just don't like the wind at all.

Passover and Easter are this week. This is the first time I will attend a Maundy Thursday service. Generally, the day before Good Friday is the end of a work-week, and by the time Seder supper is over (done annually at my church before the service), I'm just done, so I go home. But this year, Spring Break and Easter is all together, so my social energy has not been depleted. On Saturday, St. Paul's has its alternative service, which happens a few times a year. It's a more artistic liturgy, with a lot more room for just listening to the Holy Spirit. It's something I need practice at. And while I am running the projector for the service, as I did last time, it's still an interesting worship opportunity.

Also this week, I have been playing around a bit in Photoshop. Okay, when am I not playing around in Photoshop? But I downloaded this free plug-in for it that has several presets to artistically enhance my photos, and I've been quite enjoying it. Plus, my three top models are always ready and available to provide me with great photos! One of my favourite presets is one called "WWII." It really does make the photo look like it was taken in the 40's...

And of course, the highlight of the week thus far, my condo is on the market! That I did not see happening as a Spring Break activity. But! I signed all the relevant papers with my realtor yesterday--now someone just has to come in and fall in love with the place! ...Truth be told, I do love my little place. I have lived here exactly three years this weekend. Aside from university, this is the longest I have lived at one residence since I moved away from home. I have loved my little place. A lot of growing and blessing has gone on here. And it is because of the growing and blessing that I find myself needing a different kind of space. One that will allow for more growing and blessing.

It Still Looks Like Me, But...

I am usually only do very basic editing in Photoshop. Red-eye. Cropping. Brightness. Contrast. I feel that these are justifiable post-processing techniques. As much as I try to set up a great shot in-camera, sometimes it still just doesn't come out the way it's s'posed to, and the moment would be gone if I kept trying to change the settings on my camera in-the-moment. I'll even go so far as to clone out pimples, scratches, that little bit of cookie that I forgot to wipe off my nephew's mouth before I took the shot (granted, sometimes it's that bit of cookie that makes the shot!). I'm a very primitive Photoshop user. Beyond basic post-processing, I kinda feel like it's cheating to alter too much content.

But every now and then, I like to have fun. I get a bit artsy. Or a bit silly. I play around with photos. I often experiment with lighting and lens functions and what-not by taking self-portraits. Sometimes I keep even the less-than-stellar shots cuz I figure they might come in handy for something at some point. Yesterday, I took one of the plainer ones, and decided to Photoshop it big time. And it's still a far cry from the Photoshopping that professionals do to Supermodels and celebrities.

Take a look at the image below--the before and after. See if you can count how many changes I made to it in Photoshop. Then compare with the list below.

• Got rid of the circles under my eyes.
• Made my irises just a LITTLE bit fuller.
• Gave myself eye shadow.
• Gave myself just a bit of eyeliner.
• Removed a couple small pimples and skin marks.
  
• Gave myself blush.
• Plumped my bottom lip just a bit.
• Gave my lips a hint of colour.
  
• Gave my skin the basest of tans.
• Gave my hair some mild colour/shine.
• Tucked in the right side (your left) of my jawline to make it more symmetrical with the left (your right).

Subtle... and yet... (and just think of all the things I didn't do!)