Shaft of Light OR SOTC 71/365

"Thank you, Father, for the beautiful surprises you are planning for me today. So often in my life ... an unexpected burst of ... sunshine has exploded through a black cloud, sending inspiring shafts of warm, beautiful sunshine into my life." 

-- Robert Schuller

What Does it Mean?

Every now and then, I glance back at old journal entries. I often see areas where God answered prayer; sometimes dramatically. I see how my thoughts and feelings have grown and/or evolved. I chuckle at things like being worried about a psych test. And then--and this is what gets me--I see some of the same old problems.

I read about feelings I am processing and/or still struggle with 5, 10, 15 years later. I could cut and paste the entries and slap the today's date on the top, and it would still be relevant and accurate and true.

Same crap, different pile, it seems.

It makes me wonder...

We talk so much about how we can grow, change, improve as people. We are encouraged to recognize the parts of our character that challenge us, cause us struggle--our weaknesses--and invest time, energy, prayer, and counselling into changing them. We are to learn from the negative experiences they cause, using our awareness to come up with strategies lessen their impact or power on us in the future.

And then...

They still show up.

I was chatting with a friend about how--similarly--the struggles experienced by married couples are often struggles they experienced while dating. The issue doesn't really seem to go away--it just seems to be the issue we've decided to accept "till death do us part."

So what does this all mean?

Are we not dealing right?

Processing right?

Praying "right"?

(....I SWEAR I brought that issue to the cross already. Twice. Does it mean I didn't leave it there?)

Are we not as able to change some parts of ourselves as we think we are/should be?

How do we know if a weakness is a way Satan plants seeds of insecurity in our hearts or a way God plants seeds of humility?

Can we truly accept ourselves if we know we can't change? Or do we only "accept" ourselves on the belief that we will grow and move beyond our weakness(es)?

So many more questions than answers...

182/365

142/365

Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe,

who sanctified us by His commandments,

and commanded us to kindle the lights of Hanukkah.

Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe,

who performed miracles for our ancestors

in those days at this time;

and for the greatest miracle,

Your Son, Jesus Christ.*

Blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe,

who has kept us alive, sustained us,

and enabled us to reach this season.** Amen.

***

* The italicized part is my own, which I've added to the prayer in the last couple of years, blending both my Christian faith and Jewish heritage together.

** This stanza is said only on the first night.

*** YES, I realized afterwards that I put the first candle on the wrong end, as it should technically be lit from right to left. I'm pretty sure God won't smite me down. Get over it.

88/365

Some quiet, prayerful reflection and cozy warmth at the end of a busy day. This is typical bed time.

Chewing on The Lord's Prayer

I read a book of my mom's a couple years ago called Christ Wisdom (Christopher Page), which looks at each part of the Beatitudes, as well as Lord's prayer, and offers a perspective on the meaning in the words of each. I pulled some highlights from the book that I thought I would share. Something to think about the next time you're taking a wander through the book of Matthew.

"The first Beatitude ... may seem at best ridiculous, at worst offensive. Jesus seems to be saying, "Happy are poor people." But we know that material poverty is no guarantee of happiness. An overdraft at the bank and a stack of unpaid bills do not bring anyone into a state of bliss. It is possible to be miserable in poverty every bit as much as it is possible to be miserable with great wealth. Getting rid of all your possessions and going to live in a homeless shelter will not get you closer to God or any closer to being happy than winning a million dollars in the lottery and retiring to a beach in Bermuda. ... Jesus is not referring to an external condition but to an inner attitude." (p. 20)

"Christianity is not a self-help program; it is a self-surrender program." (p. 20)

"No one had to tell me to hunger and thirst for my fiancee. It did not require self-discipline to long for her. My desire was a natural expression... Similarly, to hunger and thirst for righteousness is our true human condition. Just as it is natural to long for food and water or for a fiancee from whom one is separated, so it is natural for us to long for God. The sad reality, however, is that we often forget what it is wear are really hungry and thirsty for. We forget that our true longing is for God. So we fill our lives with other things to avoid facing the hunger in the deepest part of our being." (p. 39)

"It is a foundational principle of the spiritual journey that we get back from life what we put into life. If we are always pouring forth frantic, grasping, needy, intense, dramatic energy into the world, this is exactly what we will receive back. If we release steady, merciful, peaceful, grounded energy into the world, this is what we will receive in return." (p. 43)

"Richard Rohr says, 'Secular freedom is having to do what you want to do. Religious freedom is wanting to do what you have to do.' ...You can settle for less. You can settle for seeing your own great achievements or for the comfort and distraction of an entertaining life. But anything less than the full surrender that results in seeing God will always leave you empty, dissatisfied and sad at the centre of your being." (p. 52)

"There are times when all our spiritual practice does not seem to make our lives any better or any more rewarding than an ordinary life lived with no reference to God at all. However, we need to know that, if we are looking for the rewards of the spiritual life in the realm of feelings, we are looking in the wrong place. This is why it is easy to fall away from spiritual practice. If we are hoping to get good feelings from our spiritual practice, we will give up when those good feelings vanish, as they inevitably will. Our relationship with God is not about feelings." (p. 61)

"...when Jesus instructs us to pray 'Our Father,' he is telling us that there is something in our nature that is like God. ... The problems we experience in life and in our world all stem from the fact that we lose touch with our true identity. Jesus placed at the beginning of his prayer a reminder of our true nature. We are identified with God." (p. 74)

"God can give bread, but bread is useless unless it is eaten, and God does not force-feed anyone." (p. 102)

"We create what we are. If we are bound, pinched, and tight, we create bound-ness, pinched-ness, and tightness wherever we go. If we are free, open, relaxed, and at peace, we will create freedom, openness, relaxation, and peace wherever we go. We can only receive from God what we are open to receiving. The sign of being open to receive is the ability to pass on what has been received. God offers and offers and offers. The moment I decide to offer, I am opened to be able to receive the grace and the mercy and the welcome that God constantly extends towards me. It is not that I am controlling God. It is simply that I cannot receive that to which I am closed. Nor can I ask from God what I am not able to pass on, because I cannot receive from God what I am not able to share. If I come to you with my arms crossed over my chest and my face set in a stern grimace and say to you, 'Give me a hug,' you are unlikely to fulfill my request. Everything in my body is resisting the hug that I am asking for." (p. 123)

Sweet Saturday

This day has just been too perfect not to blog about. It started early for a Saturday. I set the alarm for 7am so that I could watch my friend's ultrasound online. Technology rocks--to be able to be three time zones away and still be a part of things like these with people I care about. It was so sweet. Baby smiled, moved his hands, and generally just looked adorable.

Afterwards, my brain was quite happy to return to unconsciousness for a couple more hours, and I re-awoke later in the morning definitely more refreshed. I was mildly disappointed when I looked out my window and the sky was cloudy and white and not the sunny that had been forecast by Environment Canada. But by the time I met my friends at Transcend Coffee, the clouds were making way for glorious early spring sunshine. We chatted in the upstairs lounge near the window for a while before deciding to take advantage of the sun on a long, loopy walk through the UofA farm.

I returned home cozy on endorphins and vitamin D, and have settled into a relaxing evening of television, internet puttering, and cat cuddling.

Thank You, Lord, for such abundant blessings. The blessing of technology, and the blessing of life. The blessing of friendships, and warm spring days. Thank You that I live in a place where these are all realities for me. You would be worthy of praise and thanks, even if I had slept through the ultrasound. Even if it had snowed today. Even if I had spent the day in my condo doing nothing. But You choose to bless, and You do so abundantly. Thanks. Amen.

A New Year's Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them,
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us;
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chirping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want.
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name, Amen.

Taken from: http://halife.com/halife/new_year_prayer.html

Thankful

It is the Thanksgiving weekend, and as I was going through some of my file folders this evening, I came across a timely piece of 'art' (I guess you'd call it) that I put together when I was in university. Somewhere in my second year, I remember I started writing down all the things I was thankful for--as I thought of them--to fill an entire sheet with thanks. I added to it over the next couple years, and eventually filled the 9x12 page. It was sort of a personal art/prayer project, I think.

I've scanned the original, which you can see a large-ish version of by clicking on it, but as this is the time to remember all the things we have to be thankful for, I took it upon myself to type out the entire list. There is so much to be thankful for! And regardless of what it is, none of it can be taken for granted. ...The list is by no means exhaustive...

• Thank You that I have everything I need—that I want for nothing.
• Thank You for e-mail.
• Thank You for breathing.
• Thank You for diamonds.
• Thank You for CDs.
• Thank You for candles.
• Thank You that I can speak.
• Thank You for pure acceptance.
• Thank You that I can see.
• Thank You for sunflowers.
• Thank You that I live in a beautiful city.
• Thank You that I am computer literate.
• Thank You for freedom.
• Thank You for warmth.
• Thank You for daisies.
• Thank You for life.
• Thank You that I can sing.
• Thank You for rainbows.
• Thank You for angels.
• Thank You that I can be silly with my friends.
• Thank You for inspiration.
• Thank You for Your amazing love.
• Thank You that I have food to eat everyday.
• Thank You that I am no longer jealous.
• Thank You for tears.
• Thank You for colour.
• Thank You for warm fire places.
• Thank You for travel.
• Thank You that I can play the piano.
• Thank You for mistakes.
• Thank You for understanding.
• Thank You for what I don’t have.
• Thank You for hands that I can do things with.
• Thank You for proof.
• Thank You for kisses.
• Thank You for Skittles!
• Thank You for dying for me.
• Thank You for frustration.
• Thank You that I am literate.
• Thank You that I have a home to go to.
• Thank You for strength.
• Thank You when kids listen to me.
• Thank You when kids don’t listen to me.
• Thank You for music.
• Thank You for tourist attractions.
• Thank You for the smell of raspberries.
• Thank You that I can go to school away from home.
• Thank You for Bailey’s.
• Thank You for warm beaches.
• Thank You for good parents.
• Thank You for trust.
• Thank You for Sprite.
• Thank You for sweet peas.
• Thank You that I have two legs to walk, run, rollerblade, and dance.
• Thank You for stressful conversation.
• Thank You for opportunities to celebrate!
• Thank You that I can buy clothes.
• Thank You for the use of a car.
• Thank You for beauty.
• Thank You for being my Best Friend.
• Thank You for willow trees.
• Thank You for brothers.
• Thank You for my experience at 7-Eleven.
• Thank You for hugs.
• Thank You for the sunshine.
• Thank You for butterflies.
• Thank You for words to express feelings.
• Thank You that I can take photographs to remember special events.
• Thank You for warm weather.
• Thank You for patience.
• Thank You that I can write.
• Thank You that I am Your child.
• Thank You for blunt honesty.
• Thank You for the rain to make things grow.
• Thank You for beautiful mountains to look at and hike through.
• Thank You for love.
• Thank You for memories.
• Thank You for the smell of freshly cut grass.
• Thank You for children.
• Thank You for friendly coworkers.
• Thank You for fresh water to drink.
• Thank You that I can trust people.
• Thank You for friends from whom I have grown apart.
• Thank You for chocolate chip cookies.
• Thank You for experience.
• Thank You that I can drive.
• Thank You for coincidences.
• Thank You for Dairy Queen blizzards.
• Thank You for cacti.
• Thank You for dance.
• Thanks for walks with friends.
• Thank You for naivety.
• Thank You for funny stories.
• Thank You for marriage.
• Thank You for humbling car accidents.
• Thank You for contacts.
• Thank You for new people.
• Thank You for ice cream.
• Thank You for books to read.
• Thank You for being vague.
• Thank You that friends can come to visit.
• Thank You for strawberries.
• Thank You for death.
• Thank You for holiday.
• Thank You for touch.
• Thank You for TEC.
• Thank You for gentleness.
• Thank You that I am never alone.
• Thank You for words.
• Thank You for the sunsets.
• Thank You for honesty and truth.
• Thank You that I am introverted.
• Thank You for piano.
• Thank You for innocence.
• Thank You for the moon.
• Thank You for coffee.
• Thank You for beautiful music.
• Thank You for YOU.
• Thank You for the opportunity to travel.
• Thank You that I am employed.
• Thank You for the weird people!
• Thank You for ladybugs.
• Thank You for friendly smiles.
• Thank You for peaches.
• Thank You for humour.
• Thank You for lizards.
• Thank You for fun times.
• Thank You for the gift of selfless behaviour.
• Thank You that I can work with wonderful children.
• Thank You for beautiful flowers.
• Thank You for happy dreams.
• Thank You for cold.
• Thank You for concerts I can go to.
• Thank You for a cat’s purr.
• Thank You for perspectives other than mine.
• Thank You for walks in a park.
• Thank You for stress.
• Thank You for cloud cover.
• Thank You for those who don’t judge.
• Thank You for the ability to learn new things.
• Thank You for hard experiences, because they help me grow.
• Thank You for flukes.
• Thank You that I am healthy.
• Thank You for cool quotes.
• Thank You for playtime.
• Thank You that I have oxygen to breathe.
• Thank You for helping me out of my shell.
• Thank You that I can hear.
• Thank You that I am Canadian.
• Thank You for a good relationship with my family.
• Thank You for growth.
• Thank You for paint.
• Thank You for unlimited long distance.
• Thank You for Sorrento.
• Thank You for communication.
• Thank You that I can deal with stress.
• Thank You for the most amazing friendships!
• Thank You for motivation.
• Thank You for strength to set the example.
• Thank You for chewing gum.
• Thank You for good movies.
• Thank You for romance.
• Thank You for laughter.
• Thank You for independence.
• Thank You for surprises.
• Thank You for the gift of listening.
• Thank You for sleep.
• Thank You for Slurpees.
• Thank You for feelings.
• Thank You for the colour red.
• Thank You for the sunshine.
• Thank You that I have seen a shooting star.
• Thank You that I can dance.
• Thank You for wake-up calls.
• Thank You for scenery on road-trips.
• Thank You that I am smart.
• Thank You for cute babies.
• Thank You for relaxation.
• Thank You for sparkles.
• Thank You for sunscreen.
• Thank You for amusement parks.
• Thank You for the freedom to worship.
• Thank You for broadening my horizons every now and then.
• Thank You for photos.
• Thank You for Your Word.
• Thank You for nostalgia.
• Thank You for scholarships.
• Thank You for the opportunities to go look at the stars.
• Thank You for detail.
• Thank You for the opportunity to play like children.
• Thank You for conversation.
• Thank You for cool shows on television.
• Thank You for cats.
• Thank You for summer holidays.
• Thank You for my next heart beat.
  

...What are you thankful for?

Re-focus

So, I've been out on-site a few days this week at a kindergarten in the Catholic school system. The Catholic school board is not unfamiliar to me; I spent several months in Catholic schools as a TA a few years ago.

In kindergarten, the prayers kids are taught are quite simple. Usually four or five lines at most, and it's usually a rhyming prayer. Perfect for five-year-olds to learn and memorize. And nice for adults because they are generally the same (or similar) from class to class; no awkward re-learning of prayers every time teachers walk into a new group of kids.

I've never thought of kindergarten prayers as much more than simple and child-friendly... until this week. Perhaps it's the craziness that has been my life over the last few weeks, resulting in the need to re-focus, but the kindergarten class' opening prayer really struck me this week. It goes:

Good morning, dear Jesus
This day is for You
In all that I say,
In all that I do.

That's it. The entirety of Christian living in four lines. As adults, we get so elaborate with our prayers sometimes. And even though I've grown up knowing that I can pray to God conversationally (because, after all, I am talking to my Best Friend), even those conversations are often long-winded, containing so much superfluous language.

This is not to say that God doesn't want us to have the long-winded, detailed conversations with Him. He has the time for those, believe me! And He wants to know what's on our hearts--if that takes up three journal pages, then so be it! He wants to work through those prayers, too!

What I think is important, though, is to not forget what we're here for, and to stop making it more complex than it really is. As Christians, we are to live out His will for our lives. When we wake up each morning, it is not to review and try to accomplish what we were not able to cross off our to-do list yesterday. It is not to tackle every problem before the sun goes down again. It is not to figure out what it will take today to better our quality of life for tomorrow. It is not to rush around to a hundred different commitments to convince ourselves of active living. If God has allowed us to wake up this morning, it is to spend the day serving Him where He has placed us. We were put on this earth for His glory. Period.

Good morning, dear Jesus,
This day is for You
In all that I say,
In all that I do.

On St. Patrick's Day

Dear Lord,
Give me a few friends
who will love me for what I am,
and keep ever burning
before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope...
And though I come not within sight
of the castle of my dreams,
teach me to be thankful for life,
and for time's olden memories
that are good and sweet.
And may the evening's twilight
find me gentle still.

-- Irish Prayer

The Way God Answers Prayer

November already! Looks like we're getting our first taste of snow here in the city, although except for a dusting of the stuff on the tops of cars, it's still falling and landing much like rain. Rain! Warm enough in November for rain! Last weekend--Nov 1--it was sunny and 15C out (60F); that just does not happen in Alberta. ...I'm starting to wonder if global warming is really all that bad. ;) J/K--as neat as it is to have warmer temps around here, there are plenty of other ramifications of global warming that I don't even want to think about.

So God's been neat lately. Or maybe I'm just listening better. Or something. Since I've been a Christian, I've always known that I can go to God/Jesus with anything. He is the ultimate best friend. He is unwavering, ultimately patient, infinitely understanding, etc., etc., etc. God is the God of big things, but also of small things. He likes to hear my deep felt prayers, as well as the petty little stuff, and the stuff I keep complaining about week after week. I've never had a problem feeling that I couldn't or shouldn't bring certain issues to God. So many people often think that, "Oh, God doesn't want to hear me pray about that; that's not important enough to waste God's time with." Which is a big fat lie, and I've always known it. That being said, I am human, and I do have a tendency to pass over prayer about the little things on the basis of, "whatever, that's life. Stuff happens. I just gotta deal with it." Y'know, things like traffic jams, forgetting your lunch, discovering a hole in your favourite shirt. It's not that I don't think God doesn't want to hear about it; it's just so easy to deal with them on a human level (switch lanes, hit the McDonald's, get out a needle and thread) I often just don't take it to God. So I've been trying to do that more lately with 'little' things.

So last week at Bible study, we were doing our round of prayer requests near the close of the evening. I knew that I was getting a cold. I had already started the battle with echinacea ammo. But when it was my turn to announce any prayer requests, I stated, "I'm getting a cold. And I don't want a cold." Pretty much as simple as that. I'd never prayed through a cold before. It's just a cold, for Pete's sake. Buy Kleenex, don't drink milk, carry on.

Anyway, my cold didn't miraculously disappear (although God could have done that if He'd wanted to). And I didn't just sit there and not do anything to proactively care for my own body (I drank a LOT of tea). BUT--I realized afterwards that it was one of the shortest-duration colds I've ever had, and the only cold I remember having where I didn't feel lethargic and 'blah'. It was the best cold I ever had!

Overall, God's been showing me answers to those 'little' prayers that I've stepped out on a limb to pray about, and it's been just as cool, in a way, as the profound answers to 'large' prayers. God is so much fun.