The Multi-Coloured Thoughts in My Head

Between recent local pride parades and the US decision to legalize gay marriage country-wide, there's been a lot of colour in my Facebook feed. Because of my social circles, I get the pro-posts and the anti-posts.

...Am I the only one who feels like she sits in the middle?

This has always been one topic where I can't pinpoint exactly what I believe. I live in the tension of not fully knowing.

My Christian faith drives my values. I know what I've been taught--what the New Testament says: that homosexual practices are a 'no.'* And since I use Scripture as one tool to guide my faith practices, I'm inclined to settle on, "well, okay, then--I can't support homosexual practices as something godly." That is, lean into the idea that the lifestyle falls into that swamp of behaviours called sin.

Seems simple, but what does that look like in the day-to-day? ...I feel like church doesn't help me here (and by church, I don't mean my personal congregation, I mean the global institution). And it's likely, in part, because the church struggles with its response too. But I feel like the church often mixes up how it treats the LGBTQ person and the LGBTQ lifestyle.

From what I can tell, the Bible admonishes the practice, not the person.

(It admonishes a lot of practices, but never the person.)

I've never actually had much trouble with that concept.

Because did you know you can disagree with someone and still love and accept them?

I'm pretty sure Jesus' command was to love others. Full stop.
(I know the kind of people He hung out with.)

A meme flew through my news feed ages ago that read along the lines of, "getting angry at someone because what they do is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut because you're on a diet."

It's not a perfect analogy, but do you get the point? If I have chosen to adhere to a certain value system with certain beliefs, then fine--but that doesn't give me the right to go around admonishing people who aren't in line with that value system.

I wish that hypocritical, Pharisitical** Christians would stop giving the rest of us a bad name.

There is a place for LGBTQ individuals in our pews.

There's a place for them on our worship teams.

There's even a place for them to--gasp--teach your children in Sunday School.

Scripture spends a good chunk of time talking about the body of Christ. And the fact that all believers are part of that.

And some believers don't fit traditional gender roles and sexual orientations.

Do you think God didn't know they'd be LGBTQ before He created them?

Maybe He IS saddened by those who fall into non-traditional genders. I don't know.

Humans are a broken creation, right down to the cellular level.

And maybe He didn't create His children to be anything other than just male and female, but He has obviously let a continuum of gender unfold.

And I know two things.

God doesn't make mistakes.
AND
God can use our brokenness for His glory.

So step up, church. LGBTQ individuals have a right to be included in the body.***

On that note, I do wish that members of the LGBTQ community would quit hassling churches that choose not to perform non-traditional marriages. Yes, it's illegal and unjust to discriminate against a person by not allowing them into the congregation to be a part of the church community, but I don't think it's discrimination to not offer a service they don't believe in as a body. That's not discrimination; that's just a congregational preference.

You could compare it to dress codes. It's legal to wear pretty much whatever you want, but it's likely against policy to wear flip-flops if you work in a corporate office downtown. That's not discrimination; that's a preference for a certain professional standard that the business has set.

Or compare it to living on campus. My university was a dry campus. Drinking alcohol is legal for anyone over 18, and students were allowed to drink, but not on campus. That's not discrimination; that's an institutional preference.

And one last example, because I need to drive this home: smoking. It's legal to smoke, but I don't allow smoking in my home. I have no issues interacting with, caring about, and having smokers over, but I'm simply not going to allow them to smoke in my house. That's not discrimination; I just value clean air--a personal preference.

So while I believe that the church needs to step up in its acceptance of the LGBTQ community as people worthy of worshipping in the same space, I believe the LGBTQ community needs to step down and respect an individual church body's decision not to provide marriage services outside of the traditional.

But considering all of that, I still don't know where that leaves me in what practices I support (or don't) as an individual.

I work for an organization that advocates for inclusion of people with disabilities. I realized not too long ago that if I'm advocating for inclusion, that means inclusion for ALL. I can't push for the rights of people with disabilities and not the rights of other minorities.

Which is why I'm confident in saying, "hey, church, step up your game and actually be inclusive."

But if--as a Christian--I'm not supposed to not support LGBTQ practices.... what happens if one day I know and care about someone who is LGBTQ and they invite me to their wedding? Could I go, because I love and care about that person, or would I have to make a faith statement and decline the invitation? I don't like thinking about that.

Because I know too much biology and psychology to believe that homosexuality could be a choice.

Sexual orientation and gender are not a choice, any more than eye colour is a choice. And how ridiculous would it be to say to a person, "I love you and care about you, but I can't come to your wedding or honour you and your partner's relationship because your eyes are blue."

And how unjust it feels to say to a person, "I know you can't control how you were born, but you will need to inhibit the desires of how it's made you want to live your life."

It's not like it's a disorder or some psychopathology where their practices and behaviours could hurt themselves and others and do need to change (but where you would still love, accept, and include that person as part of a community, let me be clear). I don't see how loving someone of the same gender, or identifying with the opposite gender is hurtful. I think it's more hurtful to deny who you are.****

I recognize that I speak from a place of 'straight privilege.' Outside of my own cognitive dissonance, this is not my struggle. I would wager that an LGBTQ Christian might read this, shake their head at me, and think, "you can't even possibly know."

But I want to. 

* 1 Cor. 6:9
** Is that a word? It is, now.
*** This guy's been resonating with me a bit lately.

**** But what about STDs and AIDS, Gina? you ask. Well, I'm pretty sure that afflicts a lot of straight people too. I think that has less to do with what gender you lean towards and more about promiscuity, which I do firmly believe is not a good idea, regardless of your sexual orientation.

Can We Quit Losing Our $#!*& Over Holiday Greetings?!

I'm Christian. So I celebrate Christmas. If you ask me for the definition of Christmas, I will tell you that it's a celebration of the day Jesus Christ was born into this world.¹ I will tell you it's an important day for me and other believers, because we believe that Jesus was born into this world as our Lord and Saviour. I believe Jesus is God, born in human form. To a virgin. In a barn. Fully human and fully divine. That's my faith. And so I celebrate Christmas. And therefore often greet others with, "Merry Christmas!"

To be honest, I do wonder a bit at the masses of people who choose to say they celebrate Christmas when they don't believe any part of its definition. I mean, if you don't believe in Jesus, and therefore have no reason to honour his birthday, then why do you say you celebrate Christmas? I do wish people would be accurate in defining the holiday they believe in and celebrate.

But outside of that semantic detail, I actually have no issue with whatever holiday that is.

I'm not offended if you tell me Happy Hannukah.
I'm not offended if you wish me Happy Diwali.
I'm not offended with a Happy Solstice.
Or Happy Kwanzaa.
And I'm not offended if you greet me with Happy Holidays.

A lot of different celebrations happen at this time of year. I don't know the origins of all winter celebrations, but good grief--Jesus' birthday isn't even in December; we just piggy-backed the timing on a pagan solstice holiday that already existed³. So who am I to get all up in your celebrations?!

As near as I can tell, all these winter celebrations are about peace.

All these celebrations embrace light.

All these celebrations encourage giving.

All these celebrations mean joy!

And lastly, all these celebrations come from a practice of love.

So if we⁴ are getting our tinsel in such a tangle over what celebration others are sharing with us, that we can't see the intention behind their greeting, then we've missed the point entirely. And worse, we become hypocrites of our own faith. It IS possible to have a strong faith--live it, breathe it, maybe even preach it--without passing judgement on the faiths of others.

In the office small-talk, in the checkout line at the supermarket, or in the parking lot at the mall, I can't tell, just by looking, what you celebrate, any more than you can tell what I celebrate. That being said, when you wish me Happy Holidays, know that I'm not one of those people who will then try and correct your greeting by explaining what 'one' faith this time of year is 'really' about. December is not the time for theological debate. From me, your greeting can be guaranteed a response of, "thanks, you too!"

And all I ask is the same in return.





1 As supported by the following:
dictionary.com - the festival of the Christian church commemorating the birth of Jesus.
merriam-webster.com - a Christian holiday that is celebrated on December 25 in honor of the birth of Jesus Christ
thefreedictionary.com - A Christian feast commemorating the birth of Jesus.
wikipedia.com - annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ.

2 Which, to be fair, means I should really decorate a palm tree each year, because it would be a more accurate reflection of a true "Christmas" tree. Decorating an evergreen is more in line with celebrating the Solstice.

3 Hear that, fellow Christians? Jesus is not the original reason for the season. He's just the reason for ours.

4 Not 'we' as Christians, but 'we' as society--all faiths are guilty of slamming other faiths at this time of year.

Why I Don't Want to Know What You're Doing for Lent

I don't keep it a secret on social media (or anywhere) that I am a Christian, but it's not something I explicitly shout from the rooftops, either. So, it's a little strange for me to be posting a very intentionally faith-based read, but it's something that's been bugging me about the Christian community, as a whole, for the last few years.

We all know that this generation of adults tends to carry the mentality of "who needs privacy, anyway?" The internet has not helped this. We will share almost anything on Facebook, Twitter, etc. Even when we recognize that we should probably work to keep some aspects of our lives behind closed doors.

I don't have statistics, but from my experience, Christians are not much better than the rest of the population. We are human, after all. But we are called to a higher standard, and I challenge us to consider that during this upcoming season of Lent.

Several years ago, as part of a small group I attended, we read Richard Foster's book Celebration of Discipline. It took us through several spiritual disciplines, examining their value and how we could be more intentional about practicing each. To be fair, there is much of the content that I don't specifically remember. But I do remember that the conversation around the spiritual discipline of fasting stuck out for me. There is a whole chapter that talks about fasting and how one might go about it, especially if one has never fasted before.

While Richard was referring to food throughout the chapter, the study guide and video encouraged conversation about fasting from other things--media, spending, etc. There was also discussion about Lent as a time of fasting, as we often fast from things other than food during this time.

In the chapter, Richard refers to Matthew 6:1-18 as he writes:

"It should go without saying that you should follow Jesus' counsel to refrain from calling attention to what you are doing. The only ones who should know you are fasting are those who have to know. If you call attention to your fasting, people will be impressed and, as Jesus said, that will be your reward. You, however, are fasting for far greater and deeper rewards."

For example, if we are fasting from sweets, and a colleague brings in a cake, and invites us to share in it, we are to say a simple "no, thank you" or "I'm good, thanks." There is no need to explain ourselves by saying that we can't have cake because we are fasting.

We do the latter with dieting as a subtle (or not so subtle) way to toot our own horns, to show others, see? I can stick with my diet plan, aren't I doing well?

But fasting is not dieting.

We ought not to seek attention for it from others.

Now, that being said, does it mean that we should never tell others about our spiritual practices? I don't think that's true, either. As an example, growing up, our family often shared our chosen Lenten practices with each other. There was one year we even chose practices for each other. This was not so we could draw attention to what we were choosing; we were holding each other accountable as a family. We engaged in conversation about the intention behind the fast, as well as the subsequent spiritual growth.

I think that's totally appropriate.

What I'm not convinced is appropriate is announcing our Lenten practices on Facebook and similar social platforms. Unless all 368 of your Facebook friends are so close to you that they will use that knowledge to hold you accountable and engage you in reflective conversation about your spiritual growth, I think such sharing of information is largely just for attention. Look how good a Christian I am, I'm staying away from X for forty whole days!*

How is that anyone else's business?

"Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted" (Matt. 23:12). This is one of those countercultural truths we forget again and again. Society gives attention and adoration to those who speak up, share their story. But it is stated more than once in Scripture that these people may have their moment in the spotlight, but it is the humble who will ultimately be exalted.

It is true that I can't actually judge the intention behind other people's sharing. Perhaps sharing your Lenten fast of choice on Facebook really is the only way you will be able to keep accountable to it. There are blogs I've stumbled upon where the author has put out a recommended Lenten practice for others to follow and/or contribute towards.** Perhaps, for some people, sharing and seeing what other Christians are doing is motivating and conducive to spiritual growth.

So I'm not saying there may not be an appropriate place to let others know what you're doing for Lent. What I'm saying is, what is the intention behind the sharing? What are the motives of your heart?

And when we go to ask others, "what are you giving up for Lent?" we also need to consider the reason for asking them to share. Do we know this person well enough that we are asking out of interest for their spiritual well-being? Are we making Christian small-talk? Or are we just starting a conversation so that we have a reason to share what we're doing?

What are our intentions?

So, as a general rule, what you practice during Lent is none of my business. It is between you and Jesus. And maybe an accountability partner--whose role is not to just give you a pat on the back when you're abstaining from whatever it is, but who challenges you on the days when it's tough. And continues to do so far after Lent has ended.

When someone asks, "so, what are you doing for Lent?" telling them is actually the easy answer. I think it's far more difficult--but far more necessary--to respond, "I know you're curious, but I'm keeping Lent between Jesus and myself this year."

Thanks for your understanding.






* Also to keep in mind, as an adult, Lent should not JUST be a simple giving up of something--it needs to be more.
** This practice even intrigues me, though not the sharing part.

Still Worshipping Through Secular Music

In a [Facebook note turned] blog post from several years ago, I contemplated the idea of secular music having purpose as worship. Over the years, there have been songs here and there that I have added to my mental collection of "secular worship" music.

Just before Christmas, I heard Phillip Phillips' song "Home" for the first time. Initially, I was taken in by the melody and the vocals (he sounds eerily like Mumford & Sons). But once I listened closely to the lyrics, I was impacted powerfully by the song as one of worship. Not Phillip Phillips--but Jesus--singing His song of protection and care in these lyrics.

Beautiful.

"Hold on to Me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road."

Way, Truth, Life OR SOTC 36/365

208/365

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." -- Matt. 10:29

120/365

Advent

"a time of expectant waiting..."*

Advent started yesterday. And I must admit, I'm having a hard time getting into it this year. Last year, I craved the hope, joy, peace, and love of Christ during the advent season. Winter hit me hard, and I clung to the arriving miracle of Christ's birth that serves (among other things) as a reminder of His intense love for us. My daily mantra was, "Jesus is coming!"

So far this year, I've been moving through my daily activities with a mantra more along the lines of, "Jesus is coming?"

I put the tree up.

I brought out the Christmas music.

Those helped a bit.

It could just be cuz it's not even December yet. Or it could be cuz it's been relatively warm so far this winter, without the biting cold I normally associate with post-Christmas-party walks to the car. It could be cuz there's not a lot of snow on the ground. It could be cuz the malls are SO busy that I've avoided them almost completely, and am not being fed Christmas through all my senses.

It could be cuz I'm not in a desperate place spiritually..........

Maybe?

I dunno how I feel about that last point. Cuz if that's a factor, I'm not sure what I think about that.

Last year--well, I spent a good chunk of it being frustrated with God and the world. While for many, that warrants a solid slam of the door in God's face, for me it meant oscillating back and forth between whining/complaining/demanding and desperate hoping. Such is my response to change and the unknown. Advent would have been a month of desperate hope.

Don't get me wrong--I am genuinely in awe of the whole Christmas story, and was so at many points as I reflected on Advent through devotions and church services. That being said, I wonder if some of those intense feelings of hope and anticipation arose simply from the spiritual valley (desert?) I was finding myself in. If I could convince my brain to focus on the awesome part of faith, maybe I wouldn't have to think about the place I was finding myself in. Hmm...

Because this year... I'm not in that desert place. Could that be why I have such a cavalier attitude towards Advent so far this year?

I guess we shall see.



* As stated by Wikipedia

65/365

Just a little light reading...*

* I'll take Bonhoeffer's texts over Yoder's any day.

Stars and the Starmaker

I was maybe nine or ten when I discovered the Zodiac. I quickly identified with my sign, Capricorn, and even as an adult who doesn't take astrology seriously, I find some of the characteristics of the Capricorn to be eerily accurate. So when the recent news craze appeared stating that the dates delineating the Zodiac signs has shifted, even I--who don't put my faith in such things--resisted the idea that I now have to call myself a Sagittarius.

I started thinking... if even I get unnerved about the idea that I have to change my sign, then how disconcerting must it be for those who form their identity and live out their lives based on astrological signs? If everything is shifting--if the stars no longer line up the way they used to--how does that change how one lives? And how does one keep track?

At this point, I was washed over with a great sense of relief.

Finally, I thought, a point for Christianity. ...My God never changes.

Pondering the Miracle

It's Christmastime. AKA Jesus' birthday. I have grown up knowing this, and accepting without question that Jesus' birth was miraculous. I mean, of course it's miraculous. God placed a baby inside a virgin. He sent angels to tell Mary and Joseph what was going on. He sent angels to the shepherds. He placed a star in the sky so the three wise men could find the new King. These are not your ordinary, everyday events. I would say they are some of God's showier "stuff."

But the miracle goes SO beyond that--and is so UN-showy that I think many people miss it. On my drive to work the other morning, I was thinking about the fact that Jesus was born in a stable. It wasn't just coincidence that there was no room at the inn--God meant for there to be no room at the inn so Jesus' birth would be the first display of the Jesus' humility. And I think we mostly recognize this humility in terms of the uncomfortable quarters the stable affords, the presence of animals, and that the stable was where servants spent their time (certainly not kings). But something else struck me the other day. Jesus was born in a barn--a barn!!! I've been in barns. They stink. They're not the warmest. They're dusty. And you get cow poop on your shoes. It's certainly not a sanitary place to bring a child into the world. Angels and immaculate conception aside, it's miracle enough that Jesus' tiny little immune system wasn't overrun by the myriads of microscopic organisms on the floor of that barn!

...I think it's the so fully human aspect of Jesus that continually blows me away. Fully God and fully man. All the knowledge of being Lord, and yet all the experience that goes along with being human. Choosing to set aside power and enter into the world's poop (literally and figuratively). I read once that "every religion in the world is about man trying to reach up to God, like working your way up the ladder. They’re all about striving to achieve something for yourself. Christianity is the only religion about God reaching down to man and offering salvation as a free gift, with the added bonus of a personal relationship with the Creator God through Jesus Christ..." I love it. I love that God loves me that much. To render Himself human so He could be intimate with me.

Chewing on The Lord's Prayer

I read a book of my mom's a couple years ago called Christ Wisdom (Christopher Page), which looks at each part of the Beatitudes, as well as Lord's prayer, and offers a perspective on the meaning in the words of each. I pulled some highlights from the book that I thought I would share. Something to think about the next time you're taking a wander through the book of Matthew.

"The first Beatitude ... may seem at best ridiculous, at worst offensive. Jesus seems to be saying, "Happy are poor people." But we know that material poverty is no guarantee of happiness. An overdraft at the bank and a stack of unpaid bills do not bring anyone into a state of bliss. It is possible to be miserable in poverty every bit as much as it is possible to be miserable with great wealth. Getting rid of all your possessions and going to live in a homeless shelter will not get you closer to God or any closer to being happy than winning a million dollars in the lottery and retiring to a beach in Bermuda. ... Jesus is not referring to an external condition but to an inner attitude." (p. 20)

"Christianity is not a self-help program; it is a self-surrender program." (p. 20)

"No one had to tell me to hunger and thirst for my fiancee. It did not require self-discipline to long for her. My desire was a natural expression... Similarly, to hunger and thirst for righteousness is our true human condition. Just as it is natural to long for food and water or for a fiancee from whom one is separated, so it is natural for us to long for God. The sad reality, however, is that we often forget what it is wear are really hungry and thirsty for. We forget that our true longing is for God. So we fill our lives with other things to avoid facing the hunger in the deepest part of our being." (p. 39)

"It is a foundational principle of the spiritual journey that we get back from life what we put into life. If we are always pouring forth frantic, grasping, needy, intense, dramatic energy into the world, this is exactly what we will receive back. If we release steady, merciful, peaceful, grounded energy into the world, this is what we will receive in return." (p. 43)

"Richard Rohr says, 'Secular freedom is having to do what you want to do. Religious freedom is wanting to do what you have to do.' ...You can settle for less. You can settle for seeing your own great achievements or for the comfort and distraction of an entertaining life. But anything less than the full surrender that results in seeing God will always leave you empty, dissatisfied and sad at the centre of your being." (p. 52)

"There are times when all our spiritual practice does not seem to make our lives any better or any more rewarding than an ordinary life lived with no reference to God at all. However, we need to know that, if we are looking for the rewards of the spiritual life in the realm of feelings, we are looking in the wrong place. This is why it is easy to fall away from spiritual practice. If we are hoping to get good feelings from our spiritual practice, we will give up when those good feelings vanish, as they inevitably will. Our relationship with God is not about feelings." (p. 61)

"...when Jesus instructs us to pray 'Our Father,' he is telling us that there is something in our nature that is like God. ... The problems we experience in life and in our world all stem from the fact that we lose touch with our true identity. Jesus placed at the beginning of his prayer a reminder of our true nature. We are identified with God." (p. 74)

"God can give bread, but bread is useless unless it is eaten, and God does not force-feed anyone." (p. 102)

"We create what we are. If we are bound, pinched, and tight, we create bound-ness, pinched-ness, and tightness wherever we go. If we are free, open, relaxed, and at peace, we will create freedom, openness, relaxation, and peace wherever we go. We can only receive from God what we are open to receiving. The sign of being open to receive is the ability to pass on what has been received. God offers and offers and offers. The moment I decide to offer, I am opened to be able to receive the grace and the mercy and the welcome that God constantly extends towards me. It is not that I am controlling God. It is simply that I cannot receive that to which I am closed. Nor can I ask from God what I am not able to pass on, because I cannot receive from God what I am not able to share. If I come to you with my arms crossed over my chest and my face set in a stern grimace and say to you, 'Give me a hug,' you are unlikely to fulfill my request. Everything in my body is resisting the hug that I am asking for." (p. 123)

Rob Bell

Two weeks after my trip to Seattle and I'm still summing it up on the blog...

Anyway, Saturday evening was spent at the Moore Theatre listening to Rob Bell. He was the 'motivating factor' for our trip to Seattle. Rob Bell is a Christian pastor in Michigan, and quite the post-modern thinker (not like relativist-post-modern, but actual-post-modern). His tour was a reflection on his most recent book, Drops Like Stars, which explores suffering and trying times and how that meshes with our faith.

He stated from the outset that we were not going to look at the 'why' of suffering. That's been beaten to death, and you can ask why things happen 'till the cows come home, but no one will ever know all the time all the reasons why crap enters our lives. Instead, he decided to look at the 'what' and 'where' of suffering. As in, 'what now' and, more importantly, 'where in context'.

Rob challenged us to think about the idea that suffering is what shapes who we are more so than successes. One of the highlights I took from the evening was the idea of The Box. We all tend to live in a box. And when people do off-the-wall things or think in different ways, we say, "he's thinking outside the box" or "he's a bit outside the box". But when we experience suffering, it's like the box is suddenly gone and we have no frame of reference for the life we had been living up until that point. We are left fully reliant on God to help us reshape our everything.

Lucky for me, there is a YouTube video summing up this highlight. I don't know why it's sideways, and I apologize on behalf of the videographer, but I think what Rob says is quite valuable. He had a lot of good things to say and for us to think about that evening, but this really stood out from everything else.

A New Year's Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them,
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us;
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chirping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want.
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name, Amen.

Taken from: http://halife.com/halife/new_year_prayer.html

Year of Adventure

Somewhere in the spring of this year, I was looking ahead at all the things I had planned for the next several months: travel, work, the social scene... And I had so many exciting things planned that I thought wow; this is going to be a year of adventure! 2009 is now coming to its close, and it has been a year of adventure. A wonderful, fast year of adventure. ...I'm not going to reflect on the amazing events and activities that made up my year here. Chances are, if you follow this blog, I know you personally, and therefore, you probably shared in some of those adventures with me. If not, there are blog archives for a reason. But just as valuable as the adventures are the things I learned both from those adventures, and from my daily activities and routine.

I feel like I did a lot of growing this year. Stretched. Challenged. It's been good. Highlights?

• Relationship -- No, not romantic. Just... relationship. With God, with friends, with family, with colleagues... with people I may only ever have one interaction with... God calls us to be in relationship, and I have taken that calling especially to heart this year. I will continue to keep it on my heart going in 2010. I have been blessed with so many valuable relationships in my life.
  
• Patience -- People automatically assume that because I work with children, I must have the utmost patience. ...While it's true that I have no problem being ever-patient with children, I would not describe myself as a patient person. I don't like waiting. I like to know when, and I like to know how. ...I forget that not everything has to happen on time, let alone on my time. And I've spent a lot of time learning to trust that everything works out. I get done what needs to get done; I get where I need to be; the world doesn't end by taking a slightly more scenic route. When I can deal with that successfully, it's quite liberating. Looking forward to more of it in 2010.
  
• Flexibility -- I fall into the Type A personality category. I'm not very spontaneous. I don't always like it when my plans get thrown out the window. ...I'm getting better. Flexibility has been a trait that has been part of my job description for the last several years, and because I recognize that it's a valuable life quality, I am always trying to learn how to bend just a little bit more, or in a different direction. A lot of this past year has required that I be flexible. Uber-flexible sometimes. Some days that was easier than others. Some days I was practically a contortionist. Other days I just had no stretch left and it showed in my attitude. ...But I kinda like being a bit more bendy...
  
• Grace -- We are human and we are not perfect. And just when I get caught up in how fallible people are, and how prone to screwing up I am, the Holy Spirit moves in and floors me with His grace. His mercy and forgiveness are pure and whole and complete. His power in relationships, fellowship, and community is just... beautiful.
• Children -- I have always loved children. I have always valued children. The connection children make with important grown-ups in their life is so valuable. But that works the other way around, too. "The soul is healed by being with children" said Fyodor Dostoevsky. I don't actually know who that is, but he makes a good point. ...I lost one of my little cuties at work this year. We've had kids pass away over the years, but none that I'd ever worked with directly. It was strange to try and process. I remember being thankful that circumstances such as that were the exception and not the rule. That for the most part, our kids get stronger, and not the other way around. I wouldn't last in my job if the instances of death were not so outnumbered by amazing, inspiring, powerful instances of LIFE. It heals the soul when you connect with a child... when you can bop to Great Big Sea with your neice on a car ride... when your nephew starts calling you "aunty"... when the little ones see you from a distance and break into a run to hug you... when you sit in the river valley and blow grass and she thinks it's the funniest thing ever... Am I making the difference in their lives, or are they making a difference in mine?
• Be -- I like to do. I like to be productive. I certainly don't like to be bored. ...I don't often run myself completely off my feet, because I also don't like to be burned out. But I don't often just stop. Just sit. ...That whole "be still and know"...? It's hard. But powerful... if I can just stop myself moving.

...It has been a growing year. Thanks for growing with me. Looking forward to 2010.

Christmas Reflection

Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, who is Emmanuel--God with us. God came down in human form so that He could have an active relationship with His children--us. The wonder and mystery surrounding this moves me on and off throughout the year, but especially at Christmas.

"Every religion in the world is about man trying to reach up to God, like working your way up the ladder. They’re all about striving to achieve something for yourself. Christianity is the only religion about God reaching down to man and offering salvation as a free gift, with the added bonus of a personal relationship with the Creator God through Jesus Christ, who was there in the beginning." -- Francine Rivers

"Life takes a little bit of time, and a lot of relationship." -- William Paul Young

May your 2010 be rich with relationship and God's blessings and peace. Merry Christmas!

Silver

Malachi 3:3 says: 'He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.'

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.

The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: 'He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.' She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined.

The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, 'How do you know when the silver is fully refined?'

He smiled at her and answered, 'Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it.'

Cheering for the Visiting Team

I found this while organizing/sorting through some old files and stuff this past week. What a blessing to have so many in my life who cheer the visiting team with me. :)

I'm writing this ... on a Saturday morning in Boston. I came here to speak at a conference. After I did my part last night, I did something very spiritual: I went to a Boston Celtics basketball game. I couldn't resist. Boston Gardens is a stadium I'd wanted to see since I was a kid. Besides, Boston was playing my favourite team, the San Antonio Spurs. 

As I took my seat, it occurred to me that I might be the only Spurs fan in the crowd. I'd be wise to be quiet. But that was hard to do. I contained myself for a few moments, but that's all. By the end of the first quarter I was letting out solo war whoops every time the Spurs would score. 

People were beginning to turn and look. Risky stuff, this voice-in-the-wilderness routine. 

That's when I noticed I had a friend across the aisle. He, too, applauded the Spurs. When I clapped, he clapped. I had a partner. We buoyed each other. I felt better. 

At the end of the quarter I gave him the thumbs-up. He gave it back. He was only a teenager. No matter. We were united by the higher bond of fellowship. 

That's one reason for the church. All week you cheer for the visiting team. You applaud the success of the One the world opposes. You stand when everyone sits and sit when everyone stands. 

At some point you need support. You need to be with folks who cheer when you do. You need what the Bible calls fellowship. And you need it every week. After all, you can only go so long before you think about joining the crowd. 

-- Max Lucado

Not Meant to Understand, Just Go With It

Taken from Beth Moore's book, Believing God (good book overall. I especially enjoyed the last four chapters, from which this passage comes).

Re-focus

So, I've been out on-site a few days this week at a kindergarten in the Catholic school system. The Catholic school board is not unfamiliar to me; I spent several months in Catholic schools as a TA a few years ago.

In kindergarten, the prayers kids are taught are quite simple. Usually four or five lines at most, and it's usually a rhyming prayer. Perfect for five-year-olds to learn and memorize. And nice for adults because they are generally the same (or similar) from class to class; no awkward re-learning of prayers every time teachers walk into a new group of kids.

I've never thought of kindergarten prayers as much more than simple and child-friendly... until this week. Perhaps it's the craziness that has been my life over the last few weeks, resulting in the need to re-focus, but the kindergarten class' opening prayer really struck me this week. It goes:

Good morning, dear Jesus
This day is for You
In all that I say,
In all that I do.

That's it. The entirety of Christian living in four lines. As adults, we get so elaborate with our prayers sometimes. And even though I've grown up knowing that I can pray to God conversationally (because, after all, I am talking to my Best Friend), even those conversations are often long-winded, containing so much superfluous language.

This is not to say that God doesn't want us to have the long-winded, detailed conversations with Him. He has the time for those, believe me! And He wants to know what's on our hearts--if that takes up three journal pages, then so be it! He wants to work through those prayers, too!

What I think is important, though, is to not forget what we're here for, and to stop making it more complex than it really is. As Christians, we are to live out His will for our lives. When we wake up each morning, it is not to review and try to accomplish what we were not able to cross off our to-do list yesterday. It is not to tackle every problem before the sun goes down again. It is not to figure out what it will take today to better our quality of life for tomorrow. It is not to rush around to a hundred different commitments to convince ourselves of active living. If God has allowed us to wake up this morning, it is to spend the day serving Him where He has placed us. We were put on this earth for His glory. Period.

Good morning, dear Jesus,
This day is for You
In all that I say,
In all that I do.

Unmet Longings

The following was e-mailed to me last week by a friend, and only just now did I get a chance to sit down and actually read it. And it was awesome. So I wanted to share it! I found myself confronting God with the issue of "unmet longings" and "awakening desire" through a good chunk of last year, and came to some of the realizations John Eldredge comments upon here. Reading through this has given me still more to think about now that I have jumped into 2009 with both feet!

It's a new year--what does your heart desire?

...What do we then do with longings and desires that go unmet? I mean, they keep presenting themselves in one way or another. 

I think what I do is simply bury them (and I see others do it too). On one hand, of course we do. It feels like we have to. You cannot live your life with a constant awareness of heightened desires that are unmet, just as you can't go through your day continually pining for a life you do not have. You have to live the life you do have. But I find that from time to time God comes and actually stirs our longings and desires, awakens them. You see someone and think, What would life be like with her (or him)? Over dinner one night someone tells you how much he loves his job, and you think, Maybe it's time for a change. I always did want to ________ (fill in the blank). Be a writer. An architect. 

Why does God do this? Wouldn't it be better to let sleeping dogs lie? 

No. To bury the deep longings of our hearts is not a good thing. Doing so begins to shut our hearts down, and then we fall into that "get on with life" mentality. For me, that means bearing down and working. Getting things done. But my passion slowly fades away, and life recedes from me. I cannot bring to my work the zest I once did, so even my work suffers. Because my heart is suffering. It's like a form of slow starvation... 

The heart is like that. Thank God, we cannot force it down forever. Hurting, it begins to insist on some attention. Now, we can either listen to those rumblings and let our hearts surface so that we bring them to God, or we can give in to some addiction. The starving heart won't be ignored forever. Some promise of life comes along and BOOM--we find ourselves in the kitchen closet taking down a quart of ice cream or cruising the Internet for some intimacy. 

God knows the danger of ignoring our hearts, and so he reawakens desire. You see a photo in a magazine, and pause, and sigh. You see someone with a life that reminds you of the life you once thought you would live. You're channel surfing and see someone doing the very thing you always dreamed you would do - the runner breaking the tape, the woman enjoying herself immensely as she teaches her cooking class. Sometimes all it takes is seeing someone enjoying themselves doing anything, and your heart says, I want that too....More often than not, this awakening of desire is an invitation from God to seek what we've given up as lost, an invitation to try again. ... It's so easy to reach those plateaus where we decide, This is good enough. It could be better, but it could be worse too. To get to the better will take work, and risk, and I'm fine with things the way they are. God comes along and says, Don't give up. 

I'm stunned by this whole reawakening process. The willingness and what feels like such a risk for God to reawaken desire in me. I mean, geez--to feel again a desire I've long buried. Yikes. I might make a wrong move, come to the wrong conclusion, just as our friend might have decided that what she really needed was a different spouse. 

Something I read years ago by C.S. Lewis in The Weight of Glory has proven helpful to me time and time again, and may rescue us in the very moment of awakened desire I am describing. Lewis is trying to show us that what God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we long for. The things "in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust them; it was not IN them, it only came THROUGH them, and what came through them was longing. These things...are good images of what we desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of the worshippers. For they are not the thing itself." They are not what we are longing for. 

It is not that specific man or woman we desire, but what they point to, what is coming through them.... When a desire is awakened, by whatever source, the thing to pray is God, what do you have for me? 

I think many of us who do long for a holy life have chosen the way of "kill desire," because at the time it seems there is no other way. And sometimes in the moment, this may well be our only choice. Certainly it is better to push away some longing if we know that yielding to it means giving way to temptation. But this is not the best way to holiness in the long run, for the starving heart will eventually seek some relief. 

But there are many desires that we know cannot be met now. It may be too late to become a professional baseball player or musician, or too late to have a child. This is the real danger zone because it seems like there is no other choice but to put away this part of your heart. But to send your heart into exile because your longings have no hope of being met is also to exile your heart from the love of God. And he would have your whole heart. It's hard to tell whether God is arousing some desire so that you may seek a new life or simply so that this part of your heart may be made whole in him. But whatever else may be the case, you have to begin by giving this part of your heart back to God. Above all else, your heart must find a safe home in him. 

-- John Eldredge, from Walking With God.