The Multi-Coloured Thoughts in My Head

Between recent local pride parades and the US decision to legalize gay marriage country-wide, there's been a lot of colour in my Facebook feed. Because of my social circles, I get the pro-posts and the anti-posts.

...Am I the only one who feels like she sits in the middle?

This has always been one topic where I can't pinpoint exactly what I believe. I live in the tension of not fully knowing.

My Christian faith drives my values. I know what I've been taught--what the New Testament says: that homosexual practices are a 'no.'* And since I use Scripture as one tool to guide my faith practices, I'm inclined to settle on, "well, okay, then--I can't support homosexual practices as something godly." That is, lean into the idea that the lifestyle falls into that swamp of behaviours called sin.

Seems simple, but what does that look like in the day-to-day? ...I feel like church doesn't help me here (and by church, I don't mean my personal congregation, I mean the global institution). And it's likely, in part, because the church struggles with its response too. But I feel like the church often mixes up how it treats the LGBTQ person and the LGBTQ lifestyle.

From what I can tell, the Bible admonishes the practice, not the person.

(It admonishes a lot of practices, but never the person.)

I've never actually had much trouble with that concept.

Because did you know you can disagree with someone and still love and accept them?

I'm pretty sure Jesus' command was to love others. Full stop.
(I know the kind of people He hung out with.)

A meme flew through my news feed ages ago that read along the lines of, "getting angry at someone because what they do is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut because you're on a diet."

It's not a perfect analogy, but do you get the point? If I have chosen to adhere to a certain value system with certain beliefs, then fine--but that doesn't give me the right to go around admonishing people who aren't in line with that value system.

I wish that hypocritical, Pharisitical** Christians would stop giving the rest of us a bad name.

There is a place for LGBTQ individuals in our pews.

There's a place for them on our worship teams.

There's even a place for them to--gasp--teach your children in Sunday School.

Scripture spends a good chunk of time talking about the body of Christ. And the fact that all believers are part of that.

And some believers don't fit traditional gender roles and sexual orientations.

Do you think God didn't know they'd be LGBTQ before He created them?

Maybe He IS saddened by those who fall into non-traditional genders. I don't know.

Humans are a broken creation, right down to the cellular level.

And maybe He didn't create His children to be anything other than just male and female, but He has obviously let a continuum of gender unfold.

And I know two things.

God doesn't make mistakes.
AND
God can use our brokenness for His glory.

So step up, church. LGBTQ individuals have a right to be included in the body.***

On that note, I do wish that members of the LGBTQ community would quit hassling churches that choose not to perform non-traditional marriages. Yes, it's illegal and unjust to discriminate against a person by not allowing them into the congregation to be a part of the church community, but I don't think it's discrimination to not offer a service they don't believe in as a body. That's not discrimination; that's just a congregational preference.

You could compare it to dress codes. It's legal to wear pretty much whatever you want, but it's likely against policy to wear flip-flops if you work in a corporate office downtown. That's not discrimination; that's a preference for a certain professional standard that the business has set.

Or compare it to living on campus. My university was a dry campus. Drinking alcohol is legal for anyone over 18, and students were allowed to drink, but not on campus. That's not discrimination; that's an institutional preference.

And one last example, because I need to drive this home: smoking. It's legal to smoke, but I don't allow smoking in my home. I have no issues interacting with, caring about, and having smokers over, but I'm simply not going to allow them to smoke in my house. That's not discrimination; I just value clean air--a personal preference.

So while I believe that the church needs to step up in its acceptance of the LGBTQ community as people worthy of worshipping in the same space, I believe the LGBTQ community needs to step down and respect an individual church body's decision not to provide marriage services outside of the traditional.

But considering all of that, I still don't know where that leaves me in what practices I support (or don't) as an individual.

I work for an organization that advocates for inclusion of people with disabilities. I realized not too long ago that if I'm advocating for inclusion, that means inclusion for ALL. I can't push for the rights of people with disabilities and not the rights of other minorities.

Which is why I'm confident in saying, "hey, church, step up your game and actually be inclusive."

But if--as a Christian--I'm not supposed to not support LGBTQ practices.... what happens if one day I know and care about someone who is LGBTQ and they invite me to their wedding? Could I go, because I love and care about that person, or would I have to make a faith statement and decline the invitation? I don't like thinking about that.

Because I know too much biology and psychology to believe that homosexuality could be a choice.

Sexual orientation and gender are not a choice, any more than eye colour is a choice. And how ridiculous would it be to say to a person, "I love you and care about you, but I can't come to your wedding or honour you and your partner's relationship because your eyes are blue."

And how unjust it feels to say to a person, "I know you can't control how you were born, but you will need to inhibit the desires of how it's made you want to live your life."

It's not like it's a disorder or some psychopathology where their practices and behaviours could hurt themselves and others and do need to change (but where you would still love, accept, and include that person as part of a community, let me be clear). I don't see how loving someone of the same gender, or identifying with the opposite gender is hurtful. I think it's more hurtful to deny who you are.****

I recognize that I speak from a place of 'straight privilege.' Outside of my own cognitive dissonance, this is not my struggle. I would wager that an LGBTQ Christian might read this, shake their head at me, and think, "you can't even possibly know."

But I want to. 

* 1 Cor. 6:9
** Is that a word? It is, now.
*** This guy's been resonating with me a bit lately.

**** But what about STDs and AIDS, Gina? you ask. Well, I'm pretty sure that afflicts a lot of straight people too. I think that has less to do with what gender you lean towards and more about promiscuity, which I do firmly believe is not a good idea, regardless of your sexual orientation.

SOTC 133/365

Notre Dame Basilica, Side Right, a photo on Flickr by Gina Blank

Still Worshipping Through Secular Music

In a [Facebook note turned] blog post from several years ago, I contemplated the idea of secular music having purpose as worship. Over the years, there have been songs here and there that I have added to my mental collection of "secular worship" music.

Just before Christmas, I heard Phillip Phillips' song "Home" for the first time. Initially, I was taken in by the melody and the vocals (he sounds eerily like Mumford & Sons). But once I listened closely to the lyrics, I was impacted powerfully by the song as one of worship. Not Phillip Phillips--but Jesus--singing His song of protection and care in these lyrics.

Beautiful.

"Hold on to Me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road."

Way, Truth, Life OR SOTC 36/365

Of Rain Barrels and the Holy Spirit

My house came with a rain barrel. I had long before decided that once I became a home-owner, I would invest in a rain barrel, so I was delighted so see someone shared my value of collecting rainwater. I much prefer to water my garden and plants by filling the watering can from the rain barrel than using a hose. In part, because it saves me $$ on the water bill. But also, because it's a more eco-friendly option. It always unsettles me a little bit to water my garden, flowers, or--worst off all--the lawn, with drinking water, when there are people on the other side of the world dying from lack of fresh water (that being said, I fully recognize that I am too entrenched in my first-world lifestyle to let my lawn go completely brown or allow my garden to suffer if it hasn't rained enough).

Last year, Edmonton saw a lot of rain (after a winter of also having seen a lot of snow). I never bought a sprinkler. Every time I used rain barrel water on the garden, it was filled up again in a few days with the next rain fall. It was somewhere around late-August where I think I--only once--had to water the garden with the hose to get it through its last few weeks, because the rain barrel was finally near empty.

This year's been a bit of a different story. I bought the sprinkler. And more hose. I still use the rain barrel first, but I have emptied it four or five times to keep my thirsty plants green and growing. I have also, therefore, soaked the garden with the hose four or five times, as I wait for more rain to come. And there has been rain. But usually only for a brief period in the late afternoon or early evening. And not every day. And not usually enough to counterbalance the hot, dry, sun.*

This evening is currently seeing a wonderful downpour.

Depending on how long into the night it continues, it may even fill up the barrel. Last year, I would stare out my kitchen window, thinking there was no way my lawn and garden could keep up with the amount of water its roots were being asked to absorb. This year, I stare out the kitchen window, begging my garden to drink deep. Because you are parched and I don't want to water you if I don't have to.

Sometimes, as I've been staring out the window, I've also reflected on the analogy of the Holy Spirit as water.

It's one of my favourite analogies. The Holy Spirit has been described like a rushing wind, cleansing fire, and refreshing rain (amongst other things). I particularly like the rain analogy, I think because I can relate to the sense of dirt and grime being washed away, the refreshing smell, the softness of once-dry, cracked land, and the absence of thirst after a good rain.

Sometimes we describe ourselves in relation to this analogy of the Holy Spirt. We thirst for God's presence, power, love (and He responds, "All who are thirsty, come..."**) We go through what we call spiritual dry spells. We need to be washed clean from our sin. 

But if the Holy Spirit pours down like rain, what happens in those times when our rain barrel starts to go empty? I don't trust our prairie's meteorological history to wait out the dry heat until the next rainfall. I will make rain on my own. But what about my faith? Do I trust God's relational history to wait out the desert period, or do I try to make rain on my own?

Except, the rain I make costs me.

And the rain I make doesn't always feel like the right thing to do.

And the rain I make doesn't always water as thoroughly.

Hmm.
Not a perfect analogy, I'm sure.
But something I continue to think about.

Especially when it finally rains.

*I am by no means dissing the sun. The sun is amazing. I will take a sunny summer over a rainy one any day. I am merely stating meteorological fact.

** Revelation 22:17. See also John 4:12-14

208/365

"And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered." -- Matt. 10:29

120/365

Advent

"a time of expectant waiting..."*

Advent started yesterday. And I must admit, I'm having a hard time getting into it this year. Last year, I craved the hope, joy, peace, and love of Christ during the advent season. Winter hit me hard, and I clung to the arriving miracle of Christ's birth that serves (among other things) as a reminder of His intense love for us. My daily mantra was, "Jesus is coming!"

So far this year, I've been moving through my daily activities with a mantra more along the lines of, "Jesus is coming?"

I put the tree up.

I brought out the Christmas music.

Those helped a bit.

It could just be cuz it's not even December yet. Or it could be cuz it's been relatively warm so far this winter, without the biting cold I normally associate with post-Christmas-party walks to the car. It could be cuz there's not a lot of snow on the ground. It could be cuz the malls are SO busy that I've avoided them almost completely, and am not being fed Christmas through all my senses.

It could be cuz I'm not in a desperate place spiritually..........

Maybe?

I dunno how I feel about that last point. Cuz if that's a factor, I'm not sure what I think about that.

Last year--well, I spent a good chunk of it being frustrated with God and the world. While for many, that warrants a solid slam of the door in God's face, for me it meant oscillating back and forth between whining/complaining/demanding and desperate hoping. Such is my response to change and the unknown. Advent would have been a month of desperate hope.

Don't get me wrong--I am genuinely in awe of the whole Christmas story, and was so at many points as I reflected on Advent through devotions and church services. That being said, I wonder if some of those intense feelings of hope and anticipation arose simply from the spiritual valley (desert?) I was finding myself in. If I could convince my brain to focus on the awesome part of faith, maybe I wouldn't have to think about the place I was finding myself in. Hmm...

Because this year... I'm not in that desert place. Could that be why I have such a cavalier attitude towards Advent so far this year?

I guess we shall see.



* As stated by Wikipedia

Pondering the Miracle

It's Christmastime. AKA Jesus' birthday. I have grown up knowing this, and accepting without question that Jesus' birth was miraculous. I mean, of course it's miraculous. God placed a baby inside a virgin. He sent angels to tell Mary and Joseph what was going on. He sent angels to the shepherds. He placed a star in the sky so the three wise men could find the new King. These are not your ordinary, everyday events. I would say they are some of God's showier "stuff."

But the miracle goes SO beyond that--and is so UN-showy that I think many people miss it. On my drive to work the other morning, I was thinking about the fact that Jesus was born in a stable. It wasn't just coincidence that there was no room at the inn--God meant for there to be no room at the inn so Jesus' birth would be the first display of the Jesus' humility. And I think we mostly recognize this humility in terms of the uncomfortable quarters the stable affords, the presence of animals, and that the stable was where servants spent their time (certainly not kings). But something else struck me the other day. Jesus was born in a barn--a barn!!! I've been in barns. They stink. They're not the warmest. They're dusty. And you get cow poop on your shoes. It's certainly not a sanitary place to bring a child into the world. Angels and immaculate conception aside, it's miracle enough that Jesus' tiny little immune system wasn't overrun by the myriads of microscopic organisms on the floor of that barn!

...I think it's the so fully human aspect of Jesus that continually blows me away. Fully God and fully man. All the knowledge of being Lord, and yet all the experience that goes along with being human. Choosing to set aside power and enter into the world's poop (literally and figuratively). I read once that "every religion in the world is about man trying to reach up to God, like working your way up the ladder. They’re all about striving to achieve something for yourself. Christianity is the only religion about God reaching down to man and offering salvation as a free gift, with the added bonus of a personal relationship with the Creator God through Jesus Christ..." I love it. I love that God loves me that much. To render Himself human so He could be intimate with me.

Chewing on The Lord's Prayer

I read a book of my mom's a couple years ago called Christ Wisdom (Christopher Page), which looks at each part of the Beatitudes, as well as Lord's prayer, and offers a perspective on the meaning in the words of each. I pulled some highlights from the book that I thought I would share. Something to think about the next time you're taking a wander through the book of Matthew.

"The first Beatitude ... may seem at best ridiculous, at worst offensive. Jesus seems to be saying, "Happy are poor people." But we know that material poverty is no guarantee of happiness. An overdraft at the bank and a stack of unpaid bills do not bring anyone into a state of bliss. It is possible to be miserable in poverty every bit as much as it is possible to be miserable with great wealth. Getting rid of all your possessions and going to live in a homeless shelter will not get you closer to God or any closer to being happy than winning a million dollars in the lottery and retiring to a beach in Bermuda. ... Jesus is not referring to an external condition but to an inner attitude." (p. 20)

"Christianity is not a self-help program; it is a self-surrender program." (p. 20)

"No one had to tell me to hunger and thirst for my fiancee. It did not require self-discipline to long for her. My desire was a natural expression... Similarly, to hunger and thirst for righteousness is our true human condition. Just as it is natural to long for food and water or for a fiancee from whom one is separated, so it is natural for us to long for God. The sad reality, however, is that we often forget what it is wear are really hungry and thirsty for. We forget that our true longing is for God. So we fill our lives with other things to avoid facing the hunger in the deepest part of our being." (p. 39)

"It is a foundational principle of the spiritual journey that we get back from life what we put into life. If we are always pouring forth frantic, grasping, needy, intense, dramatic energy into the world, this is exactly what we will receive back. If we release steady, merciful, peaceful, grounded energy into the world, this is what we will receive in return." (p. 43)

"Richard Rohr says, 'Secular freedom is having to do what you want to do. Religious freedom is wanting to do what you have to do.' ...You can settle for less. You can settle for seeing your own great achievements or for the comfort and distraction of an entertaining life. But anything less than the full surrender that results in seeing God will always leave you empty, dissatisfied and sad at the centre of your being." (p. 52)

"There are times when all our spiritual practice does not seem to make our lives any better or any more rewarding than an ordinary life lived with no reference to God at all. However, we need to know that, if we are looking for the rewards of the spiritual life in the realm of feelings, we are looking in the wrong place. This is why it is easy to fall away from spiritual practice. If we are hoping to get good feelings from our spiritual practice, we will give up when those good feelings vanish, as they inevitably will. Our relationship with God is not about feelings." (p. 61)

"...when Jesus instructs us to pray 'Our Father,' he is telling us that there is something in our nature that is like God. ... The problems we experience in life and in our world all stem from the fact that we lose touch with our true identity. Jesus placed at the beginning of his prayer a reminder of our true nature. We are identified with God." (p. 74)

"God can give bread, but bread is useless unless it is eaten, and God does not force-feed anyone." (p. 102)

"We create what we are. If we are bound, pinched, and tight, we create bound-ness, pinched-ness, and tightness wherever we go. If we are free, open, relaxed, and at peace, we will create freedom, openness, relaxation, and peace wherever we go. We can only receive from God what we are open to receiving. The sign of being open to receive is the ability to pass on what has been received. God offers and offers and offers. The moment I decide to offer, I am opened to be able to receive the grace and the mercy and the welcome that God constantly extends towards me. It is not that I am controlling God. It is simply that I cannot receive that to which I am closed. Nor can I ask from God what I am not able to pass on, because I cannot receive from God what I am not able to share. If I come to you with my arms crossed over my chest and my face set in a stern grimace and say to you, 'Give me a hug,' you are unlikely to fulfill my request. Everything in my body is resisting the hug that I am asking for." (p. 123)

Joy Comes!

So, as I mentioned in my last post, I was running the projector for the interface worship service that was held tonight at St. Paul's. Through art and liturgy and music, the worship service is meant to facilitate listening to the Holy Spirit. The theme of the Holy Saturday service is the Rending of the Veil, which refers to the veil that was torn at the time of Christ's death, symbolizing the direct relationship now available between man and God. A member of the congregation gave a small talk on suffering, touching on Christ's suffering, the suffering that happens to us today, etc. Following the talk was a meditative time. Often there is a slide show running during this time for those who prefer to meditate with visuals. Because I was running the projector, I also monitored the slide show.

The slides were portraits (photos, paintings, drawings) of both random people and Jesus (kind of alternating back and forth). It started out that in all the portraits, the facial expressions or poses portrayed suffering, pain, sadness--that sort of thing (similar to the photo below [not mine]).

I didn't much like the pictures, although many were very striking. And yet my strong interest in looking at pictures kept me watching each one. The thoughts running through my head were things like, we suffer, He suffered; our suffering doesn't compare to His; there is a time for suffering; suffering is universal. And I could totally appreciate those truths in my head. In my heart, however, was an underlying feeling I couldn't describe right away. There was a part of me that was keeping track of the number of slides viewed relative to the total number in the presentation, because as engaged as I was in the photos, I kinda just wanted to be at the end of them. Kind of like how a person watches the clock in a boring class. You know you have to be there, and that the information presented is important, but if it wasn't necessary, you'd totally be elsewhere.

About half way through the slide show, there was an image of Christ with His arms outstretched upwards, His face towards the sky, and His facial expression kind of neutral. The slide after that was a photo of a little girl with her arms outstretched, and with a silly, sticking-out-her-tongue facial expression. It caught my attention; this child was definitely not suffering! The images following still alternated between photos of people and portraits of Christ; however, in each image now, the facial expressions were happy, smiling, laughing. I quickly realized I had a subtle smile on my own face; the same kind I get when I watch my nieces and nephew play, or when I'm looking at photos of a past event I've shared with friends. I suddenly liked looking at the images a lot more!

After the slide show had ended, I realized that the process (on screen and in my head/heart) kinda mirrored the process that happens in real life. We know that suffering happens. We wouldn't ask for it, and given other options, I'm sure many of us would choose the out rather than the pain. We don't suffer all the time--we're not meant to. But because we live in a fallen world, we know that we will experience suffering, and that God sometimes places us in those circumstances to "grow us" in some respect. Still, I would have to say that I tend to move through times of hardship in a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other kind of manner. It's a time when I know God's truths in my head, but I don't really feel it so much in my heart. And I'm continually looking at the clock and wondering when it will just be over. ...And then there is a moment where it changes. A blessing; a healing; a realization. And I notice that the growing pains are gone, and the suffering has stopped. The blessing washes in and lightens the heart.

The disciples probably knew in their heads the promises Jesus had made right before His crucifixion. But how long those three days must have felt. Even Jesus had moments where He just wanted it to be over (Mark 14:36; Mark 15:34). Yet when we suffer, we grow by remaining engaged in Him, even though our heart doesn't like it and we feel like it's just our head that's keeping us going. But engagement heightens awareness, which heightens our relationship with God, and opens the door for His Spirit to work in us. And we then also become more acutely aware of when circumstances shift. And the next time we encounter suffering--whether in our lives or those of others--maybe we find ourselves looking at the clock just a little less often.

...It's almost Sunday. The suffering is done. Time to get your joy on.

A New Year's Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them,
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us;
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chirping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want.
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name, Amen.

Taken from: http://halife.com/halife/new_year_prayer.html

Christmas Reflection

Christmas celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ, who is Emmanuel--God with us. God came down in human form so that He could have an active relationship with His children--us. The wonder and mystery surrounding this moves me on and off throughout the year, but especially at Christmas.

"Every religion in the world is about man trying to reach up to God, like working your way up the ladder. They’re all about striving to achieve something for yourself. Christianity is the only religion about God reaching down to man and offering salvation as a free gift, with the added bonus of a personal relationship with the Creator God through Jesus Christ, who was there in the beginning." -- Francine Rivers

"Life takes a little bit of time, and a lot of relationship." -- William Paul Young

May your 2010 be rich with relationship and God's blessings and peace. Merry Christmas!

Well, That Was Weird

So, I went and got my hair cut just before doing respite this afternoon, and as I'm paying at the counter, one of two men waiting for their turn says, "do any of you know anything about Easter?" I perk up a bit, and, as I finish entering my PIN number into the keypad, I turn around from the counter to face the guy who asked the question. I've given him the body language that says, "I do!", so he asks, "When is it that Christ rises from the dead?"

"Yesterday," I reply.

"Yesterday." The man pauses for a second, and then asks, "but wasn't He dead for three days?" The implicit message I got from his question is that he knows Christ died on Good Friday, and Easter Sunday is really only two days after that, so what gives?

"Well," I explain (oddly enough, I had briefly pondered this question the other day), "It says that when He was crucified, it was like the third hour or the sixth hour, so it could have been really early in the morning; so, Friday. Saturday. Sunday. And we don't know exactly when he rose on Sunday."

The other man pipes in at this point, asking, "but did He rise again after three days?"

I feel like we just had this question, but nevertheless, I reply, "No... it says that on the third day, He rose again."

"On the third day," the man repeats, nodding his understanding. Thankfully, this answer seems to satisfy them both, because I really didn't want to get into a conversation about the modern calendar vs. the Hebrew calendar, and all the discrepancies therein when it comes to Biblical data. Cuz I don't know it well enough.

"You're a Christian?" the first man asks.

"Yes," I reply confidently, nodding my head.

As I grab my receipt from the hairdresser, he makes a comment about history that I can't remember exactly now. But I respond with, "yeah, I think it would have been really cool to live 2,000 years ago to see how it all really went down." With this to ponder, it is time for me to go. We give each other the standard, "have a good day" and "you, too"s, and I drive off, thinking, what was that? You call me to be a witness by explaining a technicality?! I quickly shrug it off with a whatever (not an ignorant, 'screw-you-God' 'whatever', by the way, but a 'You-are-God-and-I-am-not-and-if-a-technicality-makes-you-more-real-for-those-guys-then-so-be-it' kinda 'whatever'. ...Just so we're clear), and continue to respite.

...I do hope all my information was accurate...