Advent

It was as I sat watching the first Advent candle being lit in church, that I decided I wanted my own advent wreath. It’s not something I’ve ever really been into, and it’s not something we had in our family growing up. But suddenly, I wanted one.

Here’s the thing, though. With my ME/CFS diagnosis, my nervous system is hyper-sensitive, and prone to inflammation from things that other people’s bodies don’t even pay attention to.

Chemical sensitivities are almost always an issue for people with ME/CFS, and I noticed this in myself over the last few years. I am keenly aware of odours, and I can get overwhelmed by fragrances quickly, even if they’re natural, like essential oils.

Suffice it to say, my home has become a scent-free and paraffin-free household. I always purchase a couple beeswax candles wherever I find them, but it turns out the purple and pink of Advent are hard to come by—well, after Advent has already started, anyway.

So, while I knew I wanted an advent wreath with candles, I also knew that, like everything else, I was going to have to improvise and make my own.

The wreath was the easiest part. Then, I managed to find some plain votive holders at Michael’s — you’d think these would be ubiquitous this time of year, but no. And lastly, the candles. The DIY kit arrived from Amazon just a few days ago.

We are on the fourth Sunday of advent, and here I am, lighting my wreath for the first time.

But for now: hope, love, joy, and peace—I will take them all. And because it is also the first night of Chanukah, I used the shamesh to light the advent candles—because Chanukah reminds us of miracles, and I’ll take a few of those too 😉

Deep Breath and Stretch of Morning

This never. gets. old.

I have a picture of the tulips breaking through the earth for every year I've lived in this house. They rise up along the whole length of the driveway, and the delight never ceases when I spot them that first time each March.

And when I rake the leaves clear, it's like throwing back blankets and taking that big deep breath and stretch of morning.

They're a reminder of life.

Of hope.

Of resilience.

A reminder that we can endure the cold and the dark seasons. That we are not meant to bloom all year 'round. That sometimes we must rest--lie still and wait, conserve our energy, focus inward.

But trusting implicitly that Light returns; always returns. And when it does, then we explode forth our bright colours; unafraid and dazzling.

Leaf on My Shoulder OR SOTC 31/365

It is well-known that summer is my favourite season. All that green, all that life, all that sunshine, all that warmth!

Still, there is beauty in every season. I have always known this, but I find my awareness of this truth heightened in the last year or so. Perhaps it comes with age. Or perhaps because, as a home owner, each season means something different for my space. Or perhaps because I'm taking more pictures. Whatever the reason, this past year, I have really noticed the seasons more, and have been trying to embrace the beauty that they bring. Still, knowing a truth, and believing it are sometimes two different things. For example, you could not have convinced me two winters ago that winter was beautiful. Aside from the bajillion inches of snowfall and lack of sunshine, there was too much going on in my own life to be happy about most of that winter. As another example, several years ago, as I was still fresh dealing with separation from my husband, autumn didn't even register.

I think the beauty we see in the seasons is heavily impacted by what else is going on in our lives. And I think, in part, it might be one of the reasons God imparted a planet in the universe that rotates around the sun such that seasons exist. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. Regardless of what else is going on, these seasons happen. Spring, summer, autumn, winter. They may each look a little different from year to year, but the seasons are a constant in a world that constantly changes, in circumstances that are different from one moment to the next.

I mean, how awful would it be if the soft cherry blossoms of spring--or juicy summer berries, or the rich colours of autumn, or pristine fields of winter white--only occurred once, and it was during a challenging time of your life, and you missed it?

I think my sense of hope would dwindle.

I do think that God wants us to marvel in the beauty of each season every year, regardless of our own personal lives. The whole of creation is for His glory--we should always be acknowledging and praising that! And yet, paradoxically, I think God recognizes our brokenness. Our own human nature often gets in the way of recognizing the blessing of creation that He has given us. And so, He repeats these seasons, knowing that we may miss the amazing beauty here and there, and mercifully giving us the next season as an opportunity to praise.

...There is a leaf on my shoulder in this photograph. I didn't notice it until I uploaded the photo onto my computer. And I suppose I could have Photoshopped it out, but the leaf is evidence of leaves raked, rolled in, and tossed. I am enjoying the autumn colours, the autumn sunshine, soaking up His creation by rolling around in it a little. :)

I have a leaf on my shoulder.

Way better than a chip, I'd say.

120/365

Advent

"a time of expectant waiting..."*

Advent started yesterday. And I must admit, I'm having a hard time getting into it this year. Last year, I craved the hope, joy, peace, and love of Christ during the advent season. Winter hit me hard, and I clung to the arriving miracle of Christ's birth that serves (among other things) as a reminder of His intense love for us. My daily mantra was, "Jesus is coming!"

So far this year, I've been moving through my daily activities with a mantra more along the lines of, "Jesus is coming?"

I put the tree up.

I brought out the Christmas music.

Those helped a bit.

It could just be cuz it's not even December yet. Or it could be cuz it's been relatively warm so far this winter, without the biting cold I normally associate with post-Christmas-party walks to the car. It could be cuz there's not a lot of snow on the ground. It could be cuz the malls are SO busy that I've avoided them almost completely, and am not being fed Christmas through all my senses.

It could be cuz I'm not in a desperate place spiritually..........

Maybe?

I dunno how I feel about that last point. Cuz if that's a factor, I'm not sure what I think about that.

Last year--well, I spent a good chunk of it being frustrated with God and the world. While for many, that warrants a solid slam of the door in God's face, for me it meant oscillating back and forth between whining/complaining/demanding and desperate hoping. Such is my response to change and the unknown. Advent would have been a month of desperate hope.

Don't get me wrong--I am genuinely in awe of the whole Christmas story, and was so at many points as I reflected on Advent through devotions and church services. That being said, I wonder if some of those intense feelings of hope and anticipation arose simply from the spiritual valley (desert?) I was finding myself in. If I could convince my brain to focus on the awesome part of faith, maybe I wouldn't have to think about the place I was finding myself in. Hmm...

Because this year... I'm not in that desert place. Could that be why I have such a cavalier attitude towards Advent so far this year?

I guess we shall see.



* As stated by Wikipedia

A New Year's Prayer

Holy Father,
God of our yesterdays, our today, and our tomorrows.
We praise You for Your unequaled greatness.
Thank You for the year behind us and for the year ahead.
Help us in Your new year, Father, to fret less and laugh more.
To teach our children to laugh by laughing with them.
To teach others to love by loving them,
Knowing, when Love came to the stable in Bethlehem, He came for us;
So that Love could be with us, and we could know You.
That we could share Love with others.
Help us, Father, to hear Your love song in every sunrise,
in the chirping of sparrows in our backyards,
in the stories of our old folks, and the fantasies of our children.
Help us to stop and listen to Your love songs,
so that we may know You better and better.
We rejoice in the world You loved into being.
Thank You for another new year and for new chances every day.
We pray for peace, for light, and for hope, that we might spread them to others.
Forgive us for falling short this past year.
We leave the irreparable past in your hands, and step out into the unknown new year knowing You will go with us.
We accept Your gift of a new year and we rejoice in what's ahead, depending on You to help us do exactly what You want.
I say it again, we rejoice!
In Jesus name, Amen.

Taken from: http://halife.com/halife/new_year_prayer.html

On St. Patrick's Day

Dear Lord,
Give me a few friends
who will love me for what I am,
and keep ever burning
before my vagrant steps
the kindly light of hope...
And though I come not within sight
of the castle of my dreams,
teach me to be thankful for life,
and for time's olden memories
that are good and sweet.
And may the evening's twilight
find me gentle still.

-- Irish Prayer